Where'd My Body Go?

This is a strange subject. And things are so ephemeral now. But let's go. Let's try to make sense of this a little bit. Things are going to get...a little weird.

A week or so ago, I had a dream. A true dream for once--not something I was doing in the astral. In this dream, I was in a meadow with a spring blue sky in the morning. The air was fresh and sweet with flowers in the woods nearby. I stood next to a gurney, and on the gurney was the shape of a woman. I say "shape of a woman", because I could not see who it was. She was just a shape of energy that was dark in shade, but not shadowy. Nor negative. Placeholder shape.

Around this gurney was a doctor, a midwife, and a few nurses. The woman was giving birth, and I saw the doctor ease the baby out of the woman and hold the infant up. The infant was me. Little black curl of baby hair and all*. It was me. I recognized myself. He held me up and said, "It's a girl!"

The midwife, a crone-like woman, looked closer and crowed, "It is both!"

And I woke up.

​* My hair was black when the Earth body was born, platinum blond while my soul-son was piloting it, reddish gold when I walked into it, and mousy brown with a silver streak after my life force got sucked out of me. Now it's naturally coming back gold again, maybe with more red this time.

I knew that was some signal from my soul that I had been reborn. I just didn't know how or what way. Just that I'd been reborn. As for being both sexes at once, well that is some shapeshifting thing my soul says we can do. I cannot do that at this time. I am still female, and I quite like that--female bodies are more beautiful, that's why we picked this sex. Though male bodies are lovely in their own way, I like this shape best for Lyrians.

I could say, "Oh, that's symbolic of being balanced." That's true. But it's also true I have been beings that were hermaphrodites and my soul thinks that's the most fun thing ever to be. (If you want the ratio, it's 55% female, 40% male, 5% hermaphrodite in terms of lifetimes.) If there's one thing I am learning about this lifetime, it's that my soul is like "Let's do and be ALL the things!" To which my ego says, "Hey, whoa, wait a minute. Let's not be hasty!"

Anyway, this dream happened the evening after I saw my Spirit World self and hugged it to me.

A couple of days after that, I said something on Patreon and I'll say it here, it was this realization that I don't have to be physical--meaning biological. That I could choose to be an energetic being. It was a realization that just came out of nowhere, and the feeling and words from my soul came like this:

"You don't have to be if you don't want to. You can still enjoy food, interacting with people, sex, traveling, walking around, being in love--all those things and not have a biological body. You just make one when you want to touch the ground. And when it tires you to be in the physical, you can release it and go be in the astral instead. It's okay. You won't lose anything. You can still be with all the people you want to be with. You can still go be with your family. That doesn't change."

And the feeling was of such gentle reassurance that I started to cry. If I were to pin point the emotion, it would be: profound relief.

But I also felt so unsure. We're going beyond "what stellar race are you?" to...not even being that. My word. And was it a conscious choice to make? Or was it a choice I had already made and was only realizing it? I felt...rather confused about the matter. I still do a little bit.

I tried to share this in the astral chat, but it was very difficult to communicate that there clearly. I am sorry, Mari. The character limit can sometimes make writing really complex things nearly impossible. I'm sure you've run into this challenge, too.

A few days ago, I wondered... Am I still physically on the ship asleep?

That certainty that I used to feel before that I was simply asleep. It was not there.

Sort of like the certainty of Seraphel's presence was not there. How that has faded away, and I have been wondering where he is. Not out of fear, just out of noticing. There was a moment where I got very upset about something, and he was there to reassure me. To the point that I could feel him hugging me as I cried. So, he is not gone. But his role is different right now. Now it feels like the relationship I had with my friend Ryan growing up. That is okay. I feel it's all okay and as it should be. Nothing feels out of place when I detach and check the energetic connections I have to others.

Anyway, I went to look. And there is just Seraphel asleep alone. Where did I go?

I remembered what I said about forge-welding myself together. I used to think I would forge-weld myself into my physical body and wake up. But now I wonder, what if I got it backwards? What if my physical body has forge-welded to THIS self? What if it just merged into the astral?

Well, that certainly makes the path forward simpler. It also means I exist outside of time and space, and time slippages are going to be prevalent now. There is nothing anchoring me in any way to linear time.

I saw this the other day in the astral chat. "I need to see you tomorrow" when I know full well I am in the same "time zone" as the aspect I was speaking to. How could it be "tomorrow" when for me it was 7 am in the morning and "tomorrow" would merely be 11 hours?

It made me think about time and alignment. If I am out of alignment with someone, do I become out of alignment with their "time zone"? Do we experience then a time slip? How puzzling. But if that's how it is, I suppose I need to prepare for that to happen as a part of daily life.

Because it seems when I am in alignment, wake-sleep is almost exactly the same. Closely synced up. To the point where I wake up hearing music from another room in my head, and know Mari is writing. Or feel her wake up shortly after I do. And same with going to sleep, though I am stubborn and stay up a little later often. Still, it's almost always about the time I start thinking, "I should go to bed. It's getting late."

My meal schedule is now all over the damn place. I think I'll just eat when I'm hungry. To hell with what the clock says. The clock is confusing this body. I wake up and am not hungry half the time. Or am hungry like usual. Sometimes I will wake up in the middle of the night starving. But will skip lunch one day, need it the next. Go to make dinner, find I don't want it one day. Inhale it the next and need a second helping.

Come on, self! Stabilize!

My command over the English language is all over the place. Sometimes I write like I've been speaking it all my life, sometimes it comes out like it's a second language. I bet it doesn't matter what language I'm speaking, I'm like this. Sometimes it's smooth. Sometimes it's like I'm from some other plane of existence and am just learning the idea of language. Thankfully, I have worked with my ego enough that it feels okay with speaking a little "brokenly". I find it a little endearing personally.

As for what happens now with my soul (and my own astral eyes) informing me there is no more physical body? While at the same time continuing to remind me I am in the astral and not on Earth? That I am just making this all look like Earth?

I have no idea.

What do I do now?

I have no idea.

What does this all mean?

I have no idea.

I really don't. I'm just along for this crazy ass ride. But let it be known that I may end up becoming one of the few Lyrians to figure out the astral in this way. Which is good. Lyrians are really powerful beings that have been limiting themselves for a very long time. It's time they step up and join the big leagues!

All of this said, please remember, I am still Kyriel. I'm still just me. Still the same self. And I'm still learning all this.

I thank you for your tim. Adiamas.

--Kyriel