When Ego Repeats the "I Am" Statement

This is always a good sign when the ego is repeating an "I Am" statement you have fed to it.

Sometimes, when I'm feeling quiet inside, I can hear the "I Am" statements my mind is currently manifesting into reality. An example of this last Friday was, "I feel tired" and I kept hearing that on repeat. Until I finally stopped, internally turned to my mind and said, "Dude, if you keep saying that we will keep feeling tired. Why don't we feel energized instead, yeah?" And eventually the "I feel tired" stopped repeating.

February 27, I went outside and did a burn ritual wherein I destroyed the statement "I am human" and replaced it with "I am Taygetan". This "I Am" statement has now officially gone all the way through my system, from the mind through all the bodies, to the unconscious, and earlier this evening it came back out the mind again. Which indicates full conscious acceptance, everyone is on board with the concept.

This evening I was just doing things around the apartment, and I hear periodically repeating in my head "I am Taygetan." That's it. Just that sentence. No emotion attached. No further meaning. Just that singular "I Am" statement repeating periodically.

I hear that and think, "Ah, good. Ego is now finding its spindly little legs now." It's no longer the scared baby deer that just plopped out of its mother into the big, wide world staring in newborn puzzlement. Now it's trying to stand up. (Obligatory adorable baby animal video. It simply must be done. Who doesn't love baby animals being all clumsy!)

I look back to less than a month ago and all that has occurred in that time, and holy shit was that a wild ride. Like wow. We went from human to being nothing to blue light being to time traveler to old Taygetan self and now here's new Taygetan self. Went from being stuck in the astral to being properly connected in to a body. Went from having a 100% block on even the idea of being Taygetan (seriously, even past lives were omitted) to starting to open all those versions of self up.

I am still not sure why I "encrypted" my Taygetan identity so much that my soul was, by agreement, to tell me "No, we've never been a Taygetan." This afternoon when I got home from work, I was wondering, "But why? Why be so heavy-handed?" Normally, I can figure out why I decide to do things. This is one that presently has me scratching my head. Let's see if I can tease it out here.

Hmm. Soul says it was to "protect me", but I'm trying to figure out "from what"?

Though as I sit here and play 20 Questions with myself, I'm seeing it's not to protect me from something specific. It has to do with what was required to keep me from breaking immersion. If I remembered in any way at all that I am a Taygetan, even past lives, I would not be able to stop myself from remembering the current lifetime and I would just walk out of my Earth body and go home. I'd go "Pfft. What am I doing this for? I'm out of here!" I would break immersion immediately.

(I feel there's something rather important here to consider. That one would have to force themselves to forget just to make themselves stay on Earth. I'm not saying Earth is a bad place, far from it, the planet is lovely and so are many of the people and cultures and landscapes... But the experience is clearly that shitty you have to forget you even have other lifetimes just to go through with it. Seems we have a clue here!)

I suppose now it doesn't much matter if I remember, because I'm in the process of being revived.

Funnily enough, once I awakened sufficiently on Earth, I did that anyway, didn't I? I didn't need to remember I was Taygetan. I just needed to remember who my family was and the desire to go be with them would be so powerful, so what if I was some Lyrian-soup-being. I was going to go be home with them come hell or high water. Then we can save the Earth together. From space. From beautiful, starry, not-stuck-on-a-planet-free-to-move-about-the-cabin space.

I've been thinking about whether or not I'd be willing to do step-down missions. Like short ones. I would. Just so long as I could leave when the job was done. That has been the most painful part of this experience. Not being free to leave--even if I wanted to come right back! I couldn't leave! I couldn't do something else not even for a minute! No, you have to be on Earth 100% of the time. No leaving. No breaks. No seeing your family. No even talking to your family. No even being recognized and waved at by your family, even if you're looking right at them and knowing who they are to you and they likewise.

Like what the fuck kind of assholes wrote that shit into the Prime Directive? People who don't understand the concept of family, friends, lovers or any kind of personal relationship in a Lyrian format. That's who.

Well the end of this post got a little spicy. That's okay. I'm feeling a little spicy today. Not bitter. Just spicy. Half of this was written with me laughing at how ludicrous things are. I'm spicy, and in good humor.

​Speaking of spicy, I leave you with Cuban Pete. (Some version of me is literally this guy.)

I thank you for your time. Adiamas.

--Kyriel