What Did I Do Before Immersion?

Let’s answer that question. As well as open up the can of worms that is the years before I did immersion.

This post is brought to you by, the Mission Impossible theme as done by the PianoGuys and Lindsay Sterling.

First off, I want to answer another question: “What side of the ship am I on?” (Meaning the Enterprise.)

I shall break the lockdown by, well just saying so. It’s time. I sat with a scrap of paper and drew a terrible diagram of the residential deck. Just to I could get an idea. I am Earth side, 4 rooms to stern from Mari. I feel like my room is empty right now. I can’t exactly inhabit it. Seeing as I’m a bit like a ghost at the moment. I went to look and it’s all shiny and new feeling like nobody’s been in it. Even smells new. (Expecting me?)

All the sudden as I was writing this, I could see the outside of the door on the left next to the frame is a name tag display. Vertical. Blue font on white. And there’s my name. Just like I sign it. And another symbol—3 concentric circles. Like a target. Hmm. We’ll get to that.

There have been numerous pieces of data that have been floating around in my head for a while since I’ve awakened. Numerous preferences that cannot be explained. People in my life who I magnetized to me. And things my dear friends in CIC have been saying in the chat.

Why is it that:

• Half my friends in high school had military predilections
• As I went about in the world as an adult, I pulled to me military personnel (usually retired)
• Felt comfortable around men and was often rapidly considered “one of the boys” even though it’s patently obvious I’m a girl
• Was given teams to lead in video games without a thought (and I thoroughly enjoyed every moment of being an instance leader)
• Bought fatigues for my “bug out bag” without thinking about it—just knowing “this is what we wear in the woods”
• Found myself in Conservative political circles, particularly in those civilian circles concerned with conspiracy theories and intelligence gathering with a deep knowledge of military customs and procedure—and felt comfortable there
• Could shoot a target the size of a dinner plate at 750 yards 5/6 times the first time ever doing so—and am a natural with long range weapons in general
• Picked up a Japanese bayonet knife, short sword, and k-bar utility knife and thought “This is right. I have used these.”
• Been laughed at by my spiritual team for asking if I was some kind of “special ops commando soul”
• Had dreams about being debriefed by a little Beluga-headed ET for something I gathered for them
• Had dreams about doing intel operations and surveillance
• Had dreams about sneaking into places, breaking out of places, and/or retrieving things from all sorts of locations
• Had a couple of folks in the chat tease the hell out of me for potentially being CIC in hiding, a space ninja, and a general
• Be in possession of a covert ops vessel used specifically for astral operations

Why all this? Why?

Because…

I am part of the Taygetan military. And I never stopped doing my job. I just forgot I was doing it. I’m part of the “astral corps” if there is such a thing. That’s the term that comes to mind translated to Earth concepts. And I do intelligence gathering in the astral. Among other tasks. I’m really quite good at getting into places and retrieving things. Call me Red. “I understand you’re a woman who knows how to get things.”

Don’t call me Red. I’m just kidding.

Which I suppose makes me part of CIC itself. A part that operates not on the flagship, but is instead “field operations”. Now whether or not I’m a general rank is going to take a little elbow grease to my ego for it to accept. It does not like being seen that way. It’s scared of having power or rank or anything of the sort. It would prefer to be nondescript.

Given the ego is meant to protect you, then it was likely programmed to be like this to protect me. To keep me safe while on Earth. If the Cabal knew… well I would have probably been dead a long time ago. I just have to convince it to stop protecting me. We don’t have to remain inconspicuous anymore.

But…soul is telling me that is my rank. Hence the 3 circles under my name.

This explains why when I first started asking about past lives, I was wondering if I was part of Earth’s SSP. Well, no. Not…exactly. I’m the Taygetan equivalent, though.

Anyway, this is why I can remote view like I do. I was trained to do this. I think the Urmah trained me to do this. I wonder if Kohor Kass is a friend? He felt friend. Is that why you wanted me to touch his field, Mari? (Which he didn’t just let me do. He let me look out of his eyes!)

Hmm. Heart library says Kohor is my commanding officer. Does that mean I’m on the Avyon 1 a lot?

Sometimes I am called in to witness something. I remember feeling this a while back, that occasionally I’m a witness to events occurring in future timelines. Just to see it and log it in my consciousness. Sometimes this means seeing disasters. Sometimes this means seeing miracles.

It’s why when I was on Earth, I could feel the timelines shifting under my feet. I could project outward and see where everything was going, and which way to maneuver. And unfortunately, because I forgot that’s what I was doing, I’d get worried and try to prepare for something that we were already moving away from.

So, all this also means that a few people in CIC and on the crew are my friends, and they hang out in that chat. I see you now! I am not sure I should point out people here. Maybe not. Although I already pointed out one person. I shall be a bit more cautious. But dammit, I have known you since academy and that means like I’ve known you for over 100 years. Dude, that’s a long ass time.

And here I was on Earth going, “I don’t know the experience of having lifelong friends.” Because that’s what I programmed in. Why? Because I wasn’t receiving the help my friends were trying to give me in my grief. I was completely closed off to everyone. And I’m sure that hurt you all very much to watch that happen. I shut down big time.

My son died in combat in Orion 5 years before Seraphel died. Neither of us really got over that. Seraphel adopted some very bad habits when we were around Earth. There’s a reason why he was able to walk-in to my Earth husband’s body—a body that had an alcohol and minor drug addiction problem. Because Seraphel was that way after Sienel died.

Not terrible, but enough that it caused issues. We started to argue about it. Our relationship became very codependent (this was a pattern that reared its head in other lifetimes). Now I see why when my Earth mother, who had a similar issue, would sit on my bed drunk and want to talk to me, I would recoil away. Why I’d get angry when I told my husband he was too drunk to be doing anything, and maybe I should do the cooking before he set the house on fire. And why the response was always a denial of a very straightforward observation of these behaviors.

Echoes.

And this whole ordeal of him dying a few years before doing immersion explains why when I’d have a break up with a boyfriend on Earth, it would shatter my whole world. No one could understand why I would be grieving as if the guy died. Nor could I. But I was constantly consumed by grief over and over again. Until I finally managed to be the one to break up the relationship when I recognized one man I was with was never going to grow. After that the “marriage that shouldn’t have happened” happened and everything went off the rails.

Because…the truth is…Seraphel was not going to grow with me. If he had lived, something would have happened to part us anyway. I’m pretty sure of it. But we were both too codependent to let the other go willingly.

Part of doing immersion was to let him go. To forget about him for a time so I could let him go. (“Learn to swim” as Mantis said?) But it seems his soul could not let me go. Once I started remembering myself, he found me again (in meditation and dreams), and wanted to relive everything all over again. To the point of walking in to my Earth husband’s body. (Which wasn’t difficult, the entity that was in it prior was a narcissist, and they’re pretty weak sauce in terms of strength.) But he never told me he was dead. And he knew he was dead. He lied.

When I started trying to return to my body and went into recovery, that whole time… He lied. He told the truth about the accident, but he lied and said he recovered in a med pod. No, he died. And all that mess that happened in my head was a dream of his that I admittedly fell into.

And that time in 2023 when I saw him at a bar. He was dead, and I saw him. That’s how that was possible. Remember? I can see the dead as if they are living. I don’t know the difference aside from a feeling about them, and unhealthy emotional attachment can blind the fuck out of your sensors.

I could be angry only at him, but it’s my own fault too. I missed him so much. And seeing him again in the astral like that…seeing him like he was really alive. Feeling him like he was really alive. I forgot to remember he was dead.

Remember what I said about Raguel? Remember how I said that can confuse you completely? I told you. It can and it does. It does. It’s why I could put myself right in his shoes and feel exactly how he must have felt right in the moment. Because that same thing happened to me.

I will just say if any of this was orchestrated by some other ill-meaning entities (and I feel it was), it is very cruel to use the dead to manipulate the living. That is beyond cruel. And it is outright abusive to allow that manipulation to continue when you, the soul who is dead, know full fucking well you are dead! (Okay, I am very angry underneath.) Especially if the person you are with is in immersion and unable to remember!

What a mind job.

And no, I will not be waking up from this going “Ooh, wow, what a fun ride!” No. Because I’m remembering now who I am even while I’m here. So there will be no silliness in that respect. But I will wake up and realize how important it is to not let yourself get codependent with people. And also how important it is to let your friends love you and help you and hold you. (And have fabulous super powers as a result of being stuck in the astral, which is rather like being dead for a year.)

That post went all over the place. I thank you for your time. Adiamas.

—Kyriel