The Inner Critic

One of the most destructive tendencies I have is the way my inner critic expresses itself. This is one of the 20% things I have left to work on.

If you know me, you might wonder how it's possible I could even have an inner critic. After all, I don't tend to judge other people, and that becomes pretty obvious within about 5 seconds of interaction. It takes a lot for me to pass judgement on a person, and I mean a lot. To my detriment sometimes. I have become quite aware of how gullible I can be.

I wonder how many times my family were collectively clenching their butt cheeks telepathically shouting, "No, Kyrie! Don't talk to those people! They're running a scam! Oh no, there she goes. 😨" I jest only a little. I have had many near misses that were likely only averted by my own soul and some of the light beings that are part of my spirit team.

Yet the person I have been the most judgmental towards has been myself. This in part comes from that perfectionistic tendency my soul has, which when incarnated expresses itself as a fear of making mistakes. A fear of failure. Mistakes get magnified as a negative thing. And this manifests itself as parents who magnified my mistakes growing up. Peers who would tease me relentlessly for making mistakes. And generally a result of taking myself far too seriously.

Early on, this was specifically expressed as issues with speaking clearly. If I made a grammatical error or a verbal faux pas socially, I'd sweat it big time and worry over it. At this point, I've gotten over that. Sometimes, words come out all weird, broken, and with some abstract sense of grammar...and I just laugh and fix it. I've come to kinda like my occasional weird way of talking, because it usually means I'm trying to channel and talk normally at the same time. The signals get crossed and literally too many beings are trying to talk out of my mouth at once. (Which is a fascinating phenomenon.)

Right now, it expresses as imperfections in timing and routine. Getting the timing of things wrong can bother me a lot. Not being regimented in a routine can bother me, and yet I feel much better when I don't have a routine to speak of. I do better when it's up to me to make whatever day be whatever schedule I want it to be. I used to be exceedingly regimented in my daily life, and now I'm being pulled into a mindset of "What day is it?" or "Wait, it's been 2 weeks since whatever happened?!" And many times, I am noticing there are specific energetic timings for things to be done. It's hard to explain, but there are some decisions I make where the action I need to take is not given a "green light". "It's not time, yet." But I don't always know why it's not time yet, just that it's not.

It's very interesting, because the soul sees mistakes as growth yet it simultaneously holds this belief that mistakes are negative and dangerous. I feel like such contradictions are quite common. What expresses one way in the spirit world expresses a totally different way when you have a physical body to take care of. I could probably spend an entire lifetime examining how this happens (which means I already have).

Anyway. My inner critic in the past was very destructive, and it took a lot of healing to get to the point where I could clearly hear every single word it was saying when it was saying it. Once I arrived at that point, I was shocked at how mean I am to myself! I'd have shoved myself out an airlock ages ago.

So, now that I know what it's saying, I've been spending this last 20% of my journey working on making it say nicer things to me. I feel the inner critic can be valuable, because it's good to be able to examine your progress or your reactions to things. It's just not good to be negative and cruel about it. I'm at the point now where the word choice has been adjusted, but the tone is still a little condescending. It's getting better all the time.

I thank you for your time. Adiamas.

--Kyriel