The Hum of Violet

Today's post is brought to you by the color violet.

HANABI Furin Chime by Studio Honami

Seriously. Mari's video frame this morning is violet, and half the images inside are violet (by the way, lovely space photos). Then my whole YouTube feed is filled with video thumbnails that are violet. A new pod wake-up video for somebody appeared and that is violet. Violet, violet, violet, violet. Everywhere violet.

Close my eyes, the back of my eyes are violet.

So, I went to look at my body. Which is a little harder to see than before. That's okay. We're still recovering. The light changed from blue to violet. And the screen where my astral body was layering onto my physical body is pulsing light blue. I take this to mean "aligned and recovered".

I stayed home from work again today. It is non-coincidental that in my Construct, many people have come down with a serious flu that has kept them out of work for at least a week. Something I feel I am to take advantage of, so I am. I have hundreds of hours of sick leave banked up and I am using it. This lets me get a solid 12 hours of sleep if I need it. Lets me take naps as needed. Keeps the obligation to "look busy" at bay, because I really don't need that right now.

All of this is good. I am needing so much sleep right now. And every night I have dreams.

During all this time, especially during the "welding" process, my soul was like "abstain from any alcohol". So, I did. I drank tea instead. Last night, soul permitted an experiment. I tried some bourbon I had, and while it tasted fine like it always has, I wasn't able to really process it. Made me queasy and feel weird before going to bed.

This morning I poured it out. That's a big nope. No longer capable of processing. At least not that much. There is white wine in the fridge, I may experiment with that. If that experiment fails, I will just use it in cooking rather than dumping it. Alcohol evaporates with heat. So, when you cook with it, all of that goes away and you just get the flavor. White wine goes great with chicken, fish, and mushrooms in particular.

Am I sad about this? Hmm. Not particularly. Things change. People change. Habits change. I'll just become even more like Uncle Iroh and enjoy my tea. While humming "Leaves from the Vine".

In other news here, the spinach and arugula have sprouted. The chives are not far behind as I see signs of germination. Yesterday it was warm and breezy, so I took one of the furin chimes I have (the photo is the one I ordered), made a little coaster-hanger for it, and hung it under the table I have outside. These little glass windchimes make the most wonderful, clear little sound. But I don't want to leave it outside in the elements--plus I do not want it ringing overnight and annoying myself and my neighbors.

It's windy again today. I'll put it out and open the door again shortly.

You'd think, "Oh, her life is so simple and peaceful." It is. And this is good for a time. But it is without soul fulfillment. My soul does not want simple and peaceful forever. I thought that's what I wanted for a very long time, because I was tired. I wanted simple and peaceful, because I was exhausted and in need of a rest. And there was no place to rest.

Now that I have created a place to rest, I see what my soul likes most. What my heart likes most. My heart and soul like new experiences that expand it. New problems to challenge it. And they need not be problems of suffering. This is where I was lost. I thought suffering meant growth, and sure it does, but we can have challenges and difficulties that don't come from suffering!

I think about all the people I met in the first part of my life as a Taygetan. I travelled a lot, and that was bringing me fulfillment. Learning about new peoples brought me fulfillment. Learning people's stories. Seeing new things or even old things made new by time.

And then I went to Earth and played the role of human for a while. Then it was growth through suffering. Non-stop suffering. This massive cycle of suffering, suffering, more suffering. And then you heal, and boom, there's some more suffering for you. It took tremendous amounts of willpower to stop the suffering-healing-suffering cycle. To break it once and for all. To tell myself, "We do not have to suffer to grow. We do not have to constantly be healing. We are not broken. We are not always hurting. That's enough. We are perfect as we are right now."

In all that time, though, what I failed to realize I also needed was space to rest. That in both the Taygetan and Human phases of this life (lol, now I sound like a weird insect going through phases. "In my larval phase..."), I was invested in my work. I worked all the time. Whether it was my role as "space ninja", being a mother, being a wife, being a whatever to whomever... I didn't take space to myself to be with myself.

Soul wants to grow and work and do and explore. Incarnated self also wants those things, but it needs rest in between. It needs time to be idle.

I'm coming into a third phase of this life where I am Taygetan again, but this time, we're going to stop to rest more. Stop to play more. Stop to observe life more. Where sitting and being/observing will become as important as the soul fulfillment of exploring and absorbing the new. There has to be a balance.

I thank you for your time. Adiamas.

​--Kyriel

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