Thanksgiving Thoughts...

This is going to be a bit of a meandering post. Almost a journal entry in style, but I have no sketch today to accompany it.

Yesterday I was able to give my father his retirement gift (an engraved compass) and tell him all the things I wanted to tell him. Much wasn't said in words. It's funny, I often think about how much I want to say in writing, but when I open my mouth and talk only about half the words I wrote are actually spoken. That's okay. The rest is infused in the words I do speak.

Saying such heartfelt things to someone out loud is actually not easy for me to do. I have a bit of a blockage around that, and I'm doing better all the time at expressing my emotions. I do this sort of thing much better in writing than I do speaking, even when it's something positive. Most of the time, I guess you could argue I use telepathy as a crutch to handle the bucket load of thoughts I want to express but can't really form into words that sound right to me.

Anyway, it was a good time. Just the two of us enjoying a holiday dinner with no pressure at all. We watched "Dune, Part Two" after dinner. Pretty good, though the Harkonnens are just gross no matter which way you depict them. I did enjoy the "Arrival" style ink spot fireworks on Giedi Prime. Very interesting call out.

Here's something interesting, though. As I was getting the pie ready and preparing to leave to visit my father, I had this thought just plop into my head. I recognize it as my soul dropping one of those conceptual bombs (as she loves to do). The thought was this, "This is my last Thanksgiving."

That's it. That's the thought. And oh, the bittersweetness that followed. What does it mean? Fuck if I know. It could mean I wake up from this little dream I've created before next Thanksgiving. It could mean I expire in a hilarious and yet unspeakably weird manner. It could mean Thanksgiving as a concept just vanishes from my consciousness and I find myself scratching my head a year hence going, "Hmm, what is this Thanksgiving I was writing about?"

But that was the thought. And I had to go through that whole dinner with that feeling of bittersweetness. It's all right. I used it to make sure I was fully present at all times and not off in my head.

Anywhoddle...

I've learned something interesting about this astral body's energy cycles. It goes in 4-5 hour increments of high energy and low energy, and these cycles seem to follow the energetic pattern of this reality. So, it's like swells in an ocean. I can almost set my clock to it.

This makes sleeping somewhat complex. If I go to bed too early, I will wake up 4-5 hours later and find myself staring at the ceiling for several hours. Sometimes I meditate. Most of the time, I just find myself talking to 'Yanna. Who I swear never sleeps. Just kidding. Sometimes the connection is quiet. But somehow in the middle of the night, we end up talking. This great and all, I love that... Buuuut, I don't like laying there for hours thinking about sleeping and it not happening until 4 AM rolls around and suddenly, I pass out and go to sleep no matter the circumstance. Then I end up snatching a few more hours of rest, which yields a groggy and confused morning. No bueno.

If I go to bed a little later than I'm used to, then I sleep 4-5 hours and wake up right before the 4 AM wave of sleepiness, proceed into the next low energy cycle, and thereby get a full night of rest.

Strategery is required here. Never would I think that going to bed later would be better for me, but evidence is bearing this out. Okay, so be it.

It also means that around 10 AM, 2 PM, and 6 PM (approximately--the time isn't really all that exact because time here is really freaking squishy and easy to manipulate), I find myself wanting a nap or to space out and stare at nothing. Just for a little while. Like I need a reboot. As if this astral body has a 4-5 hour charge and periodically needs to go back to the physical body to plug itself in and recharge. How very strange. Well, that's how it is. I'll try to honor its cycles if I can. Certainly explains some natural habits that I've picked up.

Last thing before I go today.

I am continually astonished at the number of awakened starseeds who aren't getting that they are the player and the character at the same time. When I talk about talking to my soul, I really am just talking about talking to the player version of me as the character version of me. We've learned how to break the "fourth wall" all day every day. I'm the character in the video game that has turned around, become aware that there's a computer screen behind me, and knows it can talk to the one holding the controller. (Can we get Boots of Levitation with +50 speed? I know you know that item code. Don't pretend you don't!)

I'm just surprised at the number of others who do not recognize this consciously enough to embody it. BREAK THE FOURTH WALL DAMMIT! Your higher self is YOU! Just the one that's got the controller and knows all the cheat codes. It isn't separate! It's not something you have to pray to. It's not something that exists in some other dimension. It's you as you right now.

I don't know. Maybe I sometimes take analogies too literally. It's just like how I consider my other aspects of self to be other characters on my team, each with their own special abilities, summons, and final K.O. moves. It doesn't help that I've had dreams of just such a concept. My ego is a young woman with black hair, black eyes, and the snarkiest attitude I've ever seen. (You should have seen her when she was a little girl. She tried to drown me! And then she was just the most obnoxious teenager. My word. Beating up on my inner child all the time. Ask her to do the littlest thing and it was so much backtalk.) My inner child is a red-haired boy with freckles who for the longest time was scared of everything. I once had a dream of traveling with them, and the second I saw them in the dream I knew who they were. Eventually, I dreamed of them again, and they'd been growing up when I wasn't looking.

Sometimes, I think about the human collective consciousness, and it's a bit like Ents. The Ents go have a moot about the fate of their people in a fairly rapidly declining situation, chanting and hooming and booming, only to turn around to you after 3 days to say, "It is good. We have all learned your names and have decided you are not Orcs." Right, let's not be hasty.

Humans are like that with spirituality. 3,000 years and they turn around to you to say, "It is good. We have all decided we are not alone and Ziggy Stardust is not a real person." Right, let's not be hasty.

I thank you for your time. Adiamas.

--Kyriel