Storytime: The Healing Temples of Hadar

It’s been a while since I’ve written about a stellar lifetime, but since I wrote about Wales and Edamos, it felt like it was likewise time to write about Hadar.

This is not a place I have dreamt about, yet it is a place that I have remembered off and on since my spiritual awakening on Earth. While I was very sick a few years ago, I felt myself transported to this one particular planet in an effort to heal myself of illness.

The planet’s name, at least what we called it while there, was Liehnori. It was an arid planet, a place with red soil and red mountains striated with pale sandstone. Many regions of the planet contained hot springs naturally saturated with rock salts, and the overall vibration of the planet was 432 Hz. Liehnori was known as a healing planet, and the people who lived there all worked as healers for many civilizations in that particular quadrant.

The people, who we would call Hadarans as a race, called themselves the Lienoi. They had skin of the same red tone as their land, and hair the same pale, white-blonde as the sandstone. Their eyes varied from green to blue to yellow, but most common was violet. They were Lyrian in species, but possessed six digits on each hand or foot instead of the common five. Their specialty as a culture was their sound healing temples, which were spread all across the planet but mostly concentrated around the hot spring areas.

These temples looked similar to a Grecian Doric-style temple in that it was a shallow-gabled roof supported by many pale sandstone columns with depressions in the floor for healing tables and ceremonies. There weren’t any rooms in these temples. Just the shallow depressions in the floor, about 3-4 steps deep, in the center of which was a stone table often covered in soft cushions for patients. Each depression area was closed off by sheer white curtains. You could partially see through them. (The Lienoi did not have much of a concept of privacy. They did many things in the open and among each other without thinking much of it.)

They did not specialize in much else, nor were they particularly interstellar as a group. However, even though they preferred not to venture into space themselves, they made it clear to all in their quadrant that they were open to visitors from any location. It is a good thing they had protective neighbors, as the Lienoi did not really like to discriminate as to whom they were willing to heal.

Our story begins at one of the healing temples on the southern side of the planet. This particular area is ringed by a sheer mountain range, into the sides of which the homes of the Lienoi were constructed. These homes were simple stone dwellings with only a couple of rooms, and not much in the way of decoration. The temple area is in the center of this ring of mountains, surrounded by hot spring pools of varying colors—mostly a turquoise blue, though some were yellow and brilliant green.

My name in this life is Ok’enso’ki (Okey-en-soh-kee), and I am female. Like all the rest of the Lienoi, I have red skin, white-blonde hair, and violet eyes. I am not particularly tall at about 5 feet, and this day I’m wearing what I always wear when I’m about to go work at the temple: a simple sheer tunic that comes down just past my knees. You can see through it, and this doesn’t bother me. Like I said, we do not have a concept of privacy or modesty. It doesn’t trouble us at all.

I’m sitting in my house at a table, having a meal of cactus fruit, which is the most abundant food on the planet. Anything else we barter for from our neighbors and visitors in exchange for healing services. My friend He’emrauzi (Hey-em-rrau-zee) is sitting with me. We’re often at one another’s houses, especially on days we go to work together. She also is 5 feet and has violet eyes.

Even on days we don’t go to work together, we’re often in each other’s company. Most of the time, it feels like extremely close friendship. Sometimes, I’m not certain but it feels like it could be a little more than just friendship. The Lienoi largely remember at least a few of their previous lives, especially when it comes to those they feel close to. I have many memories of He’em and I on other planets as friends and colleagues, mostly of the scientific sort. But this “more than just friends” feeling is new and I’m not sure what to make of it. I haven’t said anything to He’em about it yet.

I especially haven’t said anything to her about it, because I know part of me is waiting for someone else to arrive in my life. I see him when I sleep quite often, and I hear him asking me to wait for him. But wait for how long? What do I do in the in between time? I am often torn. I have told He’em many times about these dreams, and we’ve often speculated who this mystery man could be and where he could come from.

As I contemplate this, I look over into He’em’s eyes and I see she is contemplating the same thing. That same expression of “not sure” and “torn” is on her face. I see the mirror of my own thoughts there. All the sudden I want to say something, but what? I don’t know. Instead, I smile reassuringly at her, heave a sigh, and suggest we head down to the temple to start our day.

“Oke, wait,” she says softly. I stop and turn around, and realize how close we’re standing. She swallows. She’s trying to say something, but her throat center is blocked. I can see the block. I reach out and brush my fingers on her throat to remove it. Touch healing is the specialty of our particular temple. And I know what I want to do now, and it’s not like it’s forbidden or anything, but just not a common occurrence. I want to kiss her, but instead I wait.

“What is it?”

She’s so nervous I can feel myself getting nervous. The blockage is back. Nothing I can do about it, then. “I… I was wondering if maybe you might want to watch the moons rising with me. After we’re done with our duties for today, that is.” That’s not what she was going to say, but I honor it.

“I’d like that, He’em. That’d be a good way to unwind.” We part and breathe a collective sigh of relief as we head down to the temple to concentrate on less distracting things.

A ship of injured Arcturians has arrived from Alpha Centauri. There’s something happening there that’s causing injuries that cannot be easily healed or too many injuries that can be healed by ship staff. The Lienoi have a strict “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy. We do not ask about what is happening in the broader galaxy. We simply heal those who need healing, no matter who they may be or why they need healing.

This policy has kept us safe from marauders thus far, so we uphold it in high esteem.

The day proves to be a busy one, but not complicated. The injuries, while many, are easy enough to heal. He’em and I are working in the temple, but not in the same area. Instead, I am working with a male healer who assists with vocal healing while I work with touch. By the time the Arcturians are gone, I feel drained but satisfied.

I meet He’em on a plateau overlooking the temple and the hot springs. I can see the lights coming on one by one. It’s my favorite time of the day. We sit quietly for a while, letting our energies settle. Well, my energies are settling. I can feel He’em working herself up again to say something. And all the sudden, in the silence of the evening, she says it. Just outright says it.

“Oke, I love you.”

I turn to look at her, and I have never seen her so open and vulnerable. Her violet eyes are over large, dilated, and reflecting so much light. It frightens me how vulnerable she is in this moment. While part of me wants to run away, the rest of me cups her face in my hands and I kiss her very softly and slowly. Both of our eyes are open and looking right into each other. “I love you, He’em” I say as I stop and start to pull away.

I can feel my whole self vibrating when I say this.

The Lienoi are not particularly passionate people, but He’em and I have been many beings other than Lienoi, and these parts of ourselves wake up and decide to drown us in passion. So, we simply do not limit ourselves to mere kisses. We drown in each other. And it feels like this is something our souls have been wanting to do for some time, because I can feel our souls drowning in each other. To the point where we don’t know where each other ends and begins. Which is just fine with us.

The next few years prove to be most interesting for us. Neither of our souls have had this particular experience of both being female and also being in love with one another. It’s interesting, delightful, wonderful, strange. Our healing abilities expand and gain considerable power as a result. We become generally inseparable, and when we heal others, we do it as if we are one person, not two.

Then one day, a Taygetan man arrives. He’s not injured, but he’s looking for me. When he introduces himself as Mi’ur, I feel elated, for this is the man I have been dreaming of. I remember him in all his selves, and all the times we’ve been together. In fact, it feels like love at first sight.

I introduce him to He’em excitedly, but I see in her eyes the same emotion I’m trying to avoid feeling. The crushing realization that I may be leaving or that I will have to choose and I may not choose her.

(And now we come to a part that is very hard for me to write, but I will write it because it’s what happened.)

Mi’ur stays for half a third moon cycle, and I show him around the area. It’s like catching up with a long lost friend. I want to be in his company all the time and I want He’em to be with us. I want to be in her company all the time too, still. I end up dividing my attention between the two, and it only complicates matters.

He’em accompanies us only sometimes, and I can see the crushing weight behind her eyes. I keep avoiding how I feel. I keep avoiding the choice. I keep avoiding saying anything to Mi’ur about He’em and I. The situation feels wrong. Not fair. I want to please them both, but I cannot do it separately.

Finally, he asks, “You friend is very sad. Has something happened?”

I look at my toes. “We are in love together, and now you are here and I am feeling the same feelings for you. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know who to choose.” This has gotten beyond complicated. I want to fall off the plateau right now.

He looks surprised, “Oke, I am also in love with you. But only you can make that decision.” I nod, and he takes my hands. “I will be leaving soon, and I’d like you to come with me. If you’re interested, of course.”

I am interested. I’m beyond interested. This is the man I’ve dreamt of most of my life. I have seen the future. I have seen myself with him in strange places. I have not seen He’em with me. I feel like she doesn’t go.

(And now I go on to make the biggest error I have ever made as a soul. Even worse than blowing up that dwarf planet as far as I’m concerned.)

Operating on the assumption that she doesn’t want to go, He’em and I finally talk about what’s happening. We’re curled up together, and I can feel He’em thinking “Is this the last time?” It makes me cry. It makes us both cry.

“You’re going with him,” she says. There is no question. We share thoughts.

“Yes. I am.” It doesn’t occur to me to ask her to come with me. How can the three of us be together? How would that be fair? How would that work? I assume it wouldn’t, so I don’t even think to ask.

I can feel He’em’s heart breaking. I feel so ashamed of myself in that moment. An emotion I have never felt before in that life, yet I am flooded with it. I want to hold her, but is that right? I don’t even know how to act anymore. I don’t even know what to do or say. I’m the one doing this to her. It’s all my fault. How dare I comfort her.

Instead, she buries her face in my tunic and cries. I hold her, because there’s nothing more sensible to do. Eventually, she says, her voice muffled, “It makes sense. He can give you children and I can’t.”

“He’em. I am so sorry.”

“Biology is biology. It’s only logical.” Even though both of us just want to go boil ourselves in the hot spring and not come back up right that moment.

When it comes time for me to leave, He’em is understandably not there to say goodbye. I hear from a friend she is in the temple working. That she has not stopped working since several days previous. Part of me wants to stay, but too much of me feels called to this new future. I want to say goodbye, but I hear my own ego say, “Haven’t you done enough?”

I hang my head and get on the craft. Mi’ur wraps an arm around my shoulders, and I take comfort in his presence. It both feels absolutely right to go with him, but my heart is broken and my ego says this is all wrong. Yet my feet still go up the ramp, and it’s neither my heart nor my ego driving my legs but my soul. It feels we have a destiny to meet.

I don’t see He’em again for 1,500 years. The next time we meet, Hadar comes right back, and I find myself on my knees asking her forgiveness. ‘Yanna laughs and picks me up, and says “I already forgave you. Have you forgiven yourself yet?” She has a point. I suppose that’s why I’m writing this.

There’s a part of me that still has not forgiven myself for hurting ‘Yanna like that. There’s a part of me that is very delayed in grieving that experience. It’s easy to say the words “I forgive myself”. It’s much harder to really fucking mean it when you say it. Especially when in remembering what happened, you relive the experience all over again. I guess I got some grieving and forgiving to do.

I thank you for your time. Adiamas.

—Kyriel