Storytime: Sick of War

This memory comes from what I think is the most recent life I had on Earth. It occurs during WWI in a trench in the mud...

The Memory

I'm crouched in a trench. It's cold, wet, and muddy. It stinks. I'm cold. I can't help shivering. All around me there's gunfire and explosions and screams. As I crouch, I clutch my rifle to my chest. I'm a young man, too young of a man, and when I first signed up I wanted to serve my country. No one made me come. I came myself. I was excited. I lied. I lied on my form and said I was the right age, but I wasn't...and no one really cared.

Now I'm miserable. There's footsteps above my head. Someone is splashing through the mud, and I get ready. I'm going to have to kill someone again. I don't like doing that. I shot someone once and killed them, and then I cried. I hated it. They made fun of me mercilessly for crying. They still make fun of me for crying. I don't make fun of me, but I am ashamed of myself for not being tougher. I don't like killing people. I want to go home.

There's a more gunfire followed by a heavy thud. I don't hear the person running toward me anymore. For some reason, I feel I should look. So I peek my head above the trench wall, and there's a young man laying on the ground. He's the enemy. I should shoot him. I should put him down. That's what I'm supposed to do. But now he's reaching out toward me. His hand is so white. It's so, so, so white. It glows.

I don't know why, but I take it. I hold it. He's dying. Someone already shot him, so I just hold his hand as he dies. Somehow that seems better than just letting him die all by himself. And at some point he looks at me, and I look right back. I swear it's my own face on his body.

There's a collision point in my head. A singularity that has been reached.

We are the same person.

---

How It Arrived

This memory arrived during a meditation. I sat down, and simply asked God to show me what my most recent life on Earth was like. I got this vision presented to me.

I did not come back to Earth for quite a while because of that experience. Spent a lot of time away healing. It is probably this reason that I have a deep familiarity with the early 20th century, but little to no connection to all the decades in between then and 1987. (Don't get me started on the 80's. I do not like the feel of the 80's.)

For what it's worth, I came into this life with a baked in terror of firearms. The first time I ever shot a gun, something in me broke. And rifles. Just forget about it. I had a full-blown panic attack. Now, I'm not about to be defeated by a tool, so I have overcome this fear and am quite proficient as a markswoman.

That said...I don't ever want to actually use it for its intended purpose. Because of this memory.