Storytime: Fallen Lighthouse Keeper

This memory reviews my fear of heights and instinctive hesitations early in life around alcohol.

The Memory

To my everlasting pride, I have been assigned as keeper to a lighthouse. It's something I had always dreamed of doing, and when my liege lord assigned me this position, I was keen to begin immediately. The tower sits out among the rocks of the sea, and the air here is bitingly cold. The sea breathtakingly cold. But the sky is wide and clear. I can see for miles and miles.

The stone is white washed, and it'll be part of my job to make sure it's always pristine white so it can be seen during the day from far off. My quarters are comfortable, warm, and snug. I'm excited to be here. I like that I'm alone out here. I like that I feel like I'm on the edge of the world.

My family and friends arrive in the evening to celebrate my success. We have a party around the top of the lighthouse, drinking wine and carrying on.

On the very eve of my celebration, I drink too much and sway too far over the railing. I fall. I don't get up.

To say my soul was disappointed would be a vast understatement.

---

How It Arrived

The prompt for this came up as part of a comment section discussion regarding past life experiences and present incarnation fears. I have always been afraid of heights, and lighthouses especially would have me shaking in my boots when I went up them. Yet I loved going up the spiraling stairs of the lighthouse. I wanted to love all of the lighthouse, yet when I'd get up on to the top and walk along the railing, I'd suddenly be whimpering and quaking terribly.

So, as a result of this discussion, I grabbed my tarot deck and asked, "Why am I afraid of heights?"

The resulting spread basically gave me the story above. It took a little bit of clarification to figure out what the "tower" was, where it was, and what drinking had to do with it.

About drinking...

Most of my early adulthood, I didn't drink. I didn't drink, because I was very worried I would do something stupid while drunk that would get me hurt. I couldn't explain to anyone why I felt this way. I just did. Of course, that concern was utterly unnecessary as I handle my alcohol remarkably well out of the box and don't naturally tend to cavort and do stupid things or say stupid things.

The most dangerous thing I've ever done was lose my balance getting up out of a chair and almost fall into a campfire as a result, but I think a guardian angel pushed me backward so I fell into my chair instead. (Someone definitely pushed me. I could feel it. It didn't take much of a push, but it was a push.)

Broke the chair. Did not barbeque my face. Thank you, angel!

Still, I'm now extra wary around anything over 100 proof. There are too many whiskeys out there that taste smooth as silk, but are over 100 proof. It's easy to forget how strong it is.