Small Steps

​Set an intention, don't be surprised if you start getting flooded with data. The last 24 hours have been very interesting.

Yesterday afternoon, I decided I wanted to look at my physical body as it is laying there. Exactly as it is. No overlay. No distortion. No perceptual shapeshifting to keep me from freaking out. So, my soul helped me see myself.

Yes, I am a man. I still have red hair, and it explains why whenever I dye my hair here it automagically turns darker than it logically should. Because that's the shade on me. Except it's short, not long. Wavy, not curly. I have a short beard...very short, little bit scruffy. I know if I open my eyes, they'll be the same color blue, and I know when I smile, my eyes crinkle in the same way. I think I even have the same smile, but it looks different on that face than this one.

I do look a little bit like Peter Quill (Chris Pratt), but not quite. My face is thinner and more refined. I'm pretty lean, but not thin. I have "piano hands". I decided to see what would happen if I touched my hand, and this astral self's hand tingled right where I was touching. I thought about how in non-speaking autistic children, parents can help them seat their consciousness better into their body by touching their body. Something about that helps connect the consciousness to the body, probably in the same way I just did. That is an experiment to do.

I put my hand on my chest and felt my own heartbeat, and suddenly realized, "Yes, this is definitely me. That's my field. That's my energy." and there was a surge of love and joy for myself. Then I decided that was enough for the moment. Baby steps.

Overnight, my internal perception of myself became that man I saw. Visions, dreams, probably memories of being myself as a male. I have one really wonderful image, and I don't think this came from my soul but someone else, of me smiling at someone with so much tenderness you'd melt. Yes, that's me. That's my energy. Hello, me. That's how I feel when I love someone right there on a face. That's my heart on a face.

I admit this is strange feeling. I also noticed the chat responded differently energetically. Again, this is a little strange. One of the handles said, "Finally you're understanding me better" or something like that. I think that is a projection of my physical self--a version of it. There was...a lot of masculine energy. My word.

Not that I dislike it. Just it's new to this aspect of self. Just new territory.

I think there is one handle that is right on target with how I actually am, but it got hidden early on. I remember its name and see people talking to it. I have been wondering why it's hidden this mysterious entity, but I think I know. I didn't recognize it as me and would have rejected it. In the beginning, I think I was rejecting it because it kept hitting on Mari so much and I was getting annoyed. (Just imagine me laughing so hard right now, because I am. I got mad at my own self for being myself.)

Anyway, I didn't sleep very much but I feel very energized. I don't feel so drained this morning like I usually do. There's a wholesomeness. That's good, I think.

Today I want to contemplate signs and things throughout my Earth life. Just...all the ways I was trying to remind myself who I am really, but wasn't able to comprehend due to the immersion program. And maybe look to see if there's been an internal, unconscious conflict going on this whole time that I, very expertly, shoved so deep I couldn't pick up on it.

For what it's worth, there's an automatic very deep love for myself going on right now. It feels very, very good.

I thank you for your time. Adiamas.

--Kyrí'el