Return to Base

I can't help the tongue-in-cheek title. This is all about returning to my baseline of self. Also a little about "disorders" and energetic mismatches.

First, here's a little musical flavor for this post. Beethoven's 5 Secrets by The PianoGuys. Something about using an electric cello just sets the whole song up. By the way, check out the rest of PianoGuys' music. It's wonderful. 2Cellos is also a great group, especially their rock songs which just get so energetic and theatrical it's silly. (Also I love the idea of classical instruments being used for rock music and that becoming a thing that draws crowds. Classical is not dead!)

Anyway, I list this song as a particular "flavor" for this post, because the sound of this song feels like who I am as a being as a baseline. What is Kyrie like? Beethoven's 5 Secrets is what Kyrie is like. I have no idea what that means. You'll have to listen to the song, feel it, and then let me know if it then makes sense.

Returning to baseline.

This all started in 2022 when I decided I had healed enough internally to stop taking mood stabilizer medication. I had been taking Lamictal since 2015, which is used for seizures but for some reason is also used to stabilize moods. Nobody knows how it works. They just know that it works. So, here, take it.

I have theories about this. Theories about the imbalances in moods, causes of bipolar behavior, seizures, and ADHD. It's all about the body being too slow for the mind. That's the problem. The body vibrates too slowly, so you have a choice: speed up the body or slow down the mind.

For moods, bipolar, and seizures, they give people medications that close off the energetic connection to the mind. Imagine it like a tube that's crimped with clamp to slow down the flow from the soul. It's not like a valve. It's a clamp. It's indiscriminate and does not allow for control over the flow. It's on or off. Upside is stabilized energies. Downside is your connection to Source is clamped tight. It's hard to be creative in those conditions. You become...boring.

For bipolar in particular, there's an issue with flow control in general. It's no disorder. It's a result of having a "fatpipe" type of connection to the soul, which means an extremely high baseline vibration, in a world filled with cement block people. So you go up and down like a yo-yo. Or, even better, you're the beach ball and you have 10 people around you trying to hold you under the water. Eventually, their grip slips and back up you go!

For ADHD, they give people stimulants to speed up the body which brings the body into energetic alignment with the mind. Therefore, peace reigns within. It's probably why I drink coffee. Why I've always drank some degree of caffeine. Yes, I have a degree of ADHD. Though, I don't see it as a disorder. Just my mind operates faster than the body and sometimes that causes glitches.

Like the back-and-forth-can't-decide-which-thing-to-do behavior I do when I get stuck between tasks. It's so weird, I laugh because I know I must look like a robot that's like having a logic loop malfunction. Because I am having a logic loop malfunction! Or how I cannot sit perfectly still for more than a few minutes at a time. Meditate for hours? I'd rather walk instead. (Though I can sit so still you don't even know I'm there. I can literally be so still I'm invisible. Like everything goes silent--including my energetic signature.) Or how sometimes I stutter and encounter glitches with language--especially when I'm tired. I can't explain this. It's like language centers just start powering off and don't want to work. Oh well. Just a sign I need to shut up and rest my brain.

Now, all these things can be resolved with consciousness training instead of drugs. You don't need substances to correct these issues. You just have to learn to manage and command the vibration of the body and the mind and bring them into balance with one another. Do that and 90% of your "disorderly vibration" goes away. It'll always be a little disorderly, but I hold that's a good thing!

What you have to do will be different for everyone.

Right, so I stopped taking medication in late 2022. It took me 9 months to complete the process fully, such that by mid 2023, it was mostly out of my system. The past year, I have felt all of it leaving, and it's only in the last few months that I've felt myself returning to my baseline self.

This isn't all because of medication removal, though. It's also from removing all these vibrational mismatches in my life. All these parts that matched with the me I was prior to 2022 are being removed one at a time. Like I said recently, my relationships are essentially "reset" back to about 10 years ago. Only, even that is changing, because more is dropping away. My birth family I feel slipping away vibrationally, and that's fine. My father is still somewhat able to keep in range, but my brother has dropped off the map entirely. So have friends. So have coworkers. I'm having to let them all go.

I'm even letting go of the Patreon group I was a part of, because I noticed there was a bit of "taking" energy creeping in there too much. Lots of people under stress and having trouble taking command of their lives. Oh, I'll still enjoy SA Smith's posts. I like her. She's fine. But I am staying away from that chatroom now.

Ultimately, I know that's all for the better. Because I can feel the baseline self coming back more and more.

The self I felt I was in college when "no one was looking". The dreamer self. The self that walks in two worlds all the time. The one that can See. The one that can Create. The one that people would call "naïve" but is really merely "innocent". The one that looks at a dollar bill and tells you to your face with her head cocked to the side like a bemused bird, "Well, this is a funny way of handling exchange."

But I'm coming back to that baseline with a whole other skillset. Now I can handle the physical world (which always gave me difficulty) at the same time. Before I had trouble with feeling like I could take action for myself. Lots of confidence issues. Tons of self-worth wounds. Those are going, going, almost all gone.

And I know how to order my mind better. I know how it works. I know how to handle the mismatch in body-mind vibration, and how to get that in alignment. Which all results in better manifesting. Sometimes instant manifesting.

All to the good.

So in spite of all the pain and changes as of late, this is all feeling better. When the clouds clear away for a moment and I can feel the sun, it all feels much more in alignment. Then the clouds come back, maybe I get rained on, and I might gripe about that because dammit the rain is cold. But it's only temporary. It'll be over and the sun will come back out.

There are still some things in this Construct out of alignment. Actually, I think the Construct itself is starting to go out of alignment with me. Which...is...supposed...to happen. I think. Instead of being a nice, sturdy, scaffolding upon which to rebuild myself, it is slowly becoming soggy like a wet cardboard box. Scaffolding is only temporary anyway. It's not supposed to be around the building forever. Just while you're working.

Hmm. I wonder what happens next, then. I do not know. Soul gives me clues. They feel hard to believe. I keep them close to my chest, because I don't want any interference. It'll make sense in the end.

It usually does.

I thank you for your time. And your patience. And your love of me to even read any of this. Adiamas.

--Kyriel