Rearview

It's easy when you're going through your life on Earth to think that you're behaving like a normal Earth human. After all, you aren't dead and you're generally tolerated by those around you. What could be different?

Oh, so much. So much. This is what I've noticed looking backwards with the perspective I have now.

Growing up, I was extremely sensitive as a child. I could cry at the drop of a hat over almost anything, but especially harsh words. I was not the type of child that could be punished and just "take it on the chin". Harsh words were scary to me, and the intention of physical punishment (purposeful pain) was super scary. Yet, I had to endure it because Earth society dictates that when a child does not conform to the norm, they are to be yelled at or hit. I thought this was normal. I thought all children were sensitive to cruel intentions. No, they are not.

At the same time, I could talk to animals and everyone knew it. They'd call me "Dr. Doolittle". Everyone called me that. And I also knew it. I could actually talk to them and I knew what they needed. Sometimes stray animals would come to our house and they'd want someone to talk to. They didn't necessarily want a home. Just someone to talk to. So, I'd talk to them. I thought this was normal. I thought all children can talk to animals. No, they cannot.

Sometimes, I'd just check out of my body for 30 seconds to a minute at a time. My mother thought I was having seizures, yet the doctors found nothing wrong. Turns out, I was actually leaving my body and going somewhere else. I was partially aware that I went somewhere, but I couldn't remember where it was I was going or what I was doing. Just that sometimes, I'd find myself staring at random objects with an intensity that surpassed normal attention then I'd feel it start to happen. I'd feel myself start to leave. I'd be staring at something, dissociate, and off I'd go for a bit. I thought every kid got bored and wandered off into realms hitherto unknown to them. No, they do not.

Later in my 20's, I learned to harness this ability to dissociate. I realized I'm a natural at self-hypnosis, and I'd use this for any number of purposes--the most immediately useful was forcing myself to sleep when my mind got overloaded. But the best use ever was using it in my 30's to learn how to connect to my own soul and look at what they call the "Akashic Records". I've gotten so good at it at this point that I can be accessing what my soul knows mid-conversation and come back with answers to questions that haven't yet been asked but were going to be asked at some point. It's a little witchy to my friends, but I know they love me for it.

I try not to abuse it, because I can quite literally see everything surrounding me forwards and backwards in time at all times. That could lead to a very deterministic existence. Sometimes, I try to forget I can do this just to have surprises. I mean...you gotta have some​ surprises in life, right? (I say this having long been a person who hates surprises...) It takes a lot of discipline, and sometimes, I think my soul purposefully fuzzes out details so I don't accidentally ruin things that are meant to be experienced in the moment. I am, I must admit, a total hound for knowledge. My soul knows this, because it's the same way. So, information will often be blocked or even made slightly misleading.

But, none of this is normal by Earth human standards. Technically my natural way of doing things simply does not exist as a possibility for most people. Some of what I just described in that last paragraph isn't normal by extraterrestrial standards!

Here's where it's a bit interesting, I think. From what my family have mentioned in passing, every Taygetan begins to remember their past lives around 13 years old or so. It's just part of the puberty process, I suppose. Well, while on Earth, the same thing was happening to me around 14. I remember that time period distinctly. All of the sudden, I'd get hit with information that would seemingly just come out of nowhere, and this would express itself as an obsessive interest in certain topics. Here is a sampling:

• Dragons (particularly gold and white ones) - recall I incarnated as one of these and my counterpart also. I was white, he was gold.
• Kenjutsu - I felt possessed by a desire to learn specifically this sword art and no other. I even made a bokken in my dad's shop and tried to train myself. It was a special day when I got a samurai sword from an anime convention--even if it couldn't possibly cut anything and was a "wall hanger" at best.
• Telekinesis - I was convinced I could do this and it bothered me that I couldn't figure out how to make it happen.
• Telepathy - I was also convinced that I should be able to send images into people's heads while explaining things, and boy did I try so hard. These days, I'm certain I actually could do it. The problem was the person I was talking to couldn't receive.
• French language - I was driven to learn this language even though it wasn't immediately useful. I found learning languages surprisingly easy, but speaking them conversationally was difficult. I felt often frustrated that I couldn't write more eloquently than I knew I could. (I incarnated in Paris, France a couple of times in the last 200 years.)
• Metaphysics and psychology - I found I had a sudden, natural understanding of numerous concepts that most adults I talked to didn't understand. This, unfortunately, led me to become some people's unpaid therapist friend...
• Astrophysics - I also had a natural understanding of how things in the universe worked, in spite of no formal teaching in this area.
• We aren't alone - A sudden, intense knowing that Earth is not the only place with people in the universe. My mind used Drake's Equation to explain why I felt this way and rationalize it for Earth, but even without that, I would have still felt this way.
  
• Space adventures - My brother, some online friends, and I would write about our own space adventures. We pretended we were a ship crew traveling through space and getting up to hijinks. (I can feel you all going "Awwww..." Yes, it was incredibly adorable. Guess who was the illustrator.)
• Sense of true love being real and needing to find it - This went beyond your normal "teenager being romantic" thing. Way beyond it. I was being called to someone, but I couldn't find them. Anywhere. It nearly drove me mad.

Then there were the paranormal experiences...

• Astral projection - One time, I found myself standing at the end of my bed watching myself sleep and I saw the moment my mother came into the room to wake me up. When I opened the eyes of my physical body, she was standing exactly where I saw her and I was laying exactly as I saw myself.
• Phantom touch - Sometimes, I'd get touched out of nowhere by someone. It used to scare me, but when I look back, I also remember asking myself if it was "grandma" or someone I knew, because the touch was always loving and extremely gentle.
• Intense recurring dreams of past lives - I didn't figure out they were past lives until later, but I dreamt of drowning after Tiamat flooded Earth so many times. And I dreamt of being in Egypt and talking to spirits in the pyramids.
• Leg implant - One morning, I woke up with a small nodule in my right thigh. It felt like a small ball bearing stuck in my leg. The night before it was not there. The next morning it was. Every time I mentioned this to my parents or a doctor, their eyes would go all glassy and they'd say "Oh, it's fine." While I would be thinking, "No, it's not fine! These things do not just randomly appear in legs for no reason!" Their reaction was strange beyond belief, but I had to let it go. Though...sometimes I thought about doing self-surgery... Yes, it bothered me that much.

Looking back at all these experiences, I truly wish I'd had someone who could have helped me understand what was happening to me. "Honey, you're remembering your past lives. Everyone does it. Tell me about your dream and let's figure out when it happened." (I would have killed to have someone say this to me. At any time on Earth.)

But, I muddled through okay. I didn't go insane. I created a stable life that provided for all my physical needs. I managed to complete my mission. I even had a short time where I went completely "Earth human" and forgot about all the above...well sort of. You don't really forget this sort of thing; so we'll just say it got put on the back burner.

And then I broke the mold.

I thank you for your time. Adiamas.

​--Kyriel