Memories from Earth: Non-Physical Relationships

I'm just getting all personal up in here. That's okay. I don't mind. This is a topic I very rarely have talked about in detail with other people this lifetime. "So why not now", my soul says.

Mainly because my early romantic relationships were a little strange compared to most people. There's been a little bit of shame around that, actually. But no more shame! Let's lay it all on the table and look at it.

(Oh, blast from the past. Suddenly hearing a Spongebob clip in my head. My soul is funny. You have no idea how many times I sit here and if it's not one of my family members cracking a telepathic joke, it's my soul, and I end up giggling half the time. If I don't laugh, I will take everything too seriously and that is very bad for me to do.)

Anyway.

I have had 5 romantic relationships this lifetime on Earth, and 4 of them were long distance. 3 of them involved no physical contact at all. I think I shall focus on the first 3--the non-physical ones, because this is where healing needs to happen most. We can talk about the other ones another day, yes? Yes.

Non-physical relationships. How strange, yes. Here I heave a huge sigh, because there are a million and one reasons why those non-physical relationships happened. I can go over a few of them.

• Abandonment wound caused by my father leaving and not coming back for sometimes a few days during a heated argument.
• Lack of trust with males in the physical.
• Communication training.
• Telepathic training.
• Vocal training.
• How to touch without touching training.
• Healing previous lifetimes where I was separated from those I love the most -- one of us was on Earth, the other in space.
• Learning how to handle longing without going mad.
• Combatting object impermanence programming by embracing object permanence in the extreme.

There's admittedly a little shame around those non-physical relationships. I can feel my friend 'Yanna reading this (or picking up on me typing this as I think about it) going "Why would anyone be made to feel ashamed by that?" Well, on Earth, it's seen as an indicator that something is wrong with you that you cannot form physical relationships with those around you. "Just date someone!" they say. "Anyone!"

To which I would say, "No. I'll not waste my time and energy like that."

I also didn't actually have sex until I was in my 20's. Shock. Awe. Yes. I waited that long. It wasn't for religious reasons. I am just that picky. That doesn't mean I didn't think about it (constantly). Or do something personally about my desires (I'm not insane, you know). I just didn't find an acceptable partner until that time.

The first of these non-physical relationships occurred when I was 15. So while everyone was like "Where's Kyrie's boyfriend?" in school, outside of school, I'm having a different experience.

I was playing an online game and fell in love with a boy my age in Puerto Rico. That's a few hundred miles away. We talked on the phone a lot about damn near everything. It was nice to have a male ask me how my day was, you know, like normal humans do. Oh, that was so very nice. I also got to be really good at phone sex. Like...really...good. I think there's a telepathic component that was also occurring on my end, but I wasn't aware of it at the time. Anyway, we had a good time. We never thought we'd see one another, and eventually we broke up after about a year because that was not meant to go on like that forever. I was sad and heartbroken about it, but I had to face the music: neither of us was going to be visiting one another any time soon.

The second was when I was around 17, also while playing an online game. This one didn't last long. The guy lived in North Dakota and was also 17, but his mother lived in the same town as I did only a few miles away. He refused to come visit his mother, and therefore be able to visit me, for reasons that were never fully explained. However, I suspect she was a piece of work and that's why he avoided her. I think maybe I entered his life to help him through some part of that relationship. It didn't last long. I was going away to college and he felt very threatened by this (naturally), so we broke up.

The third was a couple of years later. He lived in Scotland (man, I keep adding up more and more miles between us, don't I?) and was several years older than me. We both played Anarchy Online. (Forget dating apps, MMORPGs are the way to go!) Still in college, though. A philosopher. Very intelligent, gentle, funny. I really, really loved him. Something about his personality ended up triggering a whole mess of unresolved trauma, though. Not that he did anything to do that. It's just who he was reminded me of another soul I'd been on the lookout for. I wasn't aware of this at the time. I just know the energetic dynamic between us created this obsessive kind of cycle in both of us. It mimicked the dynamic between "divine counterparts" where the magnetic pull between the two (or more) souls can be so intense it drives you a bit batty. A case where the longing really can kill you or drive you mad. We lasted off and on 5 years, and then one day he vanished. I don't blame him. I was really starting to lose it mentally and emotionally. I got very clingy.

During the time we were together, toward the end, he tried to get me to go date someone physically at college. So, I gave it a try. I went on a date with a guy, and we went to Wendy's (a fast food place)...which I thought was pretty pathetic at the time, but I didn't want to be rude. Drove back to the dorms. He tried to make out with me in the car, kissed like a sucker fish, and tried to get me to feel him up. (I mean, great and all that I turned him on that much, but still...) And I just broke down. Like really? First time with a guy physically and this?

You could say I magnetized that due to poor self-worth. You could also say it made me sit up and take notice of my self-worth. I can even feel one of my ancestors standing by at the time, the Cherokee one, saying "You are worth more than that! Get yourself home and away from this!" Love Chipawe. She's one badass great-great-great-great-great grandmother.

​Anyway, that was the non-physical relationships. Looking back, I can see how I developed a number of skills I have to this day and use in physical relationships (of all types). I also cleared out a bucket load of old karmic issues and patterns. As well as blockages to telepathic ability. So, it was worth the experience. Well worth it. Even if it hurt sometimes.

I thank you for your time. Adiamas.

--Kyriel