Lessons from Earth: Hypervigilance

When you've been in survival mode for much of your life, there's a period where you come down from that experience. Your nervous system is fried, and sometimes this is even more exacerbated by relationships you chose to take on during your incarnation.

If you decided you wanted to clear away codependency and understand the narcissist-empath dynamic, you will have likely gone through relationships where those dynamics were present. Unfortunately, even after leaving those dynamics, there are some residual side effects that take time to release.

A big example of this is hypervigilance. Because much of your life was spent walking on eggshells around people, not knowing whether or not you'd be demeaned or venerated at each moment. Never knowing if you might say or do something to trigger punishment, you end up with your head permanently on a swivel. You have no idea which direction the explosion will come from next.

Your world is preoccupied with the word your ego is naturally obsessed with: "Is it safe?"

Even if you find yourself in an environment that is completely the opposite of what you experienced throughout your life, where you are absolutely safe, loved, supported, and appreciated for your true self...even when that happens, you'll be susceptible to a bit of hypervigilance. It's trained into you, and it takes time to untrain it.

How does this look?

Well, it can mean slightly paranoid behaviors like double checking to make sure you're actually alone even if you already know you're alone. This is because your previous environment had you at such high levels of alertness and doubt as to your own perception of reality, that you are never sure if your own perception is correct.

Or it can mean holding back information even if it's safe to discuss it. You get into the habit of not divulging anything to protect yourself that being vulnerable with other real, authentic people can take some time. You have to retrain yourself to open your mouth and talk about yourself. Even if it's something as seemingly innocuous as what you thought about a movie you and your friends watched. Yes, it can go that deep.

Or it can mean being uncomfortable with being celebrated, even if that's what you've desperately been longing for because you were otherwise ignored previously. You might find yourself trying to be a wallflower, because being invisible, while painful, meant safety in your previous experience. Before, having attention on you meant someone wanted energy from you.

The most important thing here for anyone dealing with hypervigilance is to be extra super loving and forgiving of yourself when this happens. Do not demean or berate yourself for "being paranoid" or "being weird". It's okay. This is a completely reasonable reaction to what you went through.

Give yourself a big hug and tell yourself, "It's alright. You're safe now." Because you are.

I thank you for your time. Adiamas.

--Kyriel