Layered Lifetimes and Time Travel

And unexpected blessings.

Let's go with the unexpected blessings first.

I know which handle dad is. I mean, yes, it's not like that hasn't been hinted to me over and over again and I wasn't "getting it". I was suspecting. But like everything, hesitating. Holy moly. I don't think I'm allowed to say anything in the chat, but dammit I wanted to say "Hi dad" so badly. I think it came across empathically at least. The feeling was too powerful not to be broadcast to literally everyone.

Also, quit calling Mari a dork. :) I know, I know, she's our dork.

Now I know why I picked a fox. Red hair. Fox is canine and cat. Dad is obsessed with wolves. Mari is obsessed with cats. Let's just merge the two together!

Since I'm not on social media, nor do I really care to go down rabbit holes on the internet, I don't see a lot of things that are floating around out there. Yesterday, I was introduced to photos of Mari and her mother when they were on Earth. Along with a video of Alenym playing the ukulele.

Sometimes, when I get exposed to things like that, it feels weird and off and "No, not right. Not at all. That's not that person."

Imagine my surprise when I see this and instead of that, I just find myself grinning and realizing, "I have seen these photos before." But not in the context of finding them on the internet. No. I have sat on a couch and been shown them before. "You wanna see photos of when I grew up on Earth?"

Yes, that's Mari. That's her when she was a kid. And that is her mother. I saw both of their faces and they were exactly as I expected them to look. Completely 100% familiar. Not "woo-woo" familiar. No, like "I haven't looked at these in years" familiar.

As for Alenym? Yes, that's also her. Much younger than I remember, and she got better at singing and playing later on. But that's her. I started to cry listening to her, because the nostalgia was so very powerful.

You may be excused for thinking I would be mind-blown, but I am not. I just see these things and feel "YES" and a wash of happiness.

Which I guess brings me to another subject. How would I remember what Mari's mother looks like? How would I remember Alenym playing the ukulele? Why do I have the feeling of sitting on a couch and having the "Wanna see my kid photos?"

Let's go back to when I first walked out of my body.

When I first walked out, I think I actually tried to manifest myself backwards in time on a Toleka ship. There were two lifetimes manifesting in my head concurrently:

Lifetime 1: I am a female Taygetan married to Seraphel stationed on a Toleka class cruiser around Earth.
Lifetime 2: I am a male Taygetan stationed on the Toleka, first as part of CIC then as part of Alenym's astral bodyguard detail.

Both of these lifetimes were happening concurrently in my mind. Lifetime 1 was manifesting, because I'm in a woman's body and that put me in resonance with that lifetime. Lifetime 2 was manifesting, because that is the current self's bodily memory. This also explains the weird shapeshifting with my gender that kept happening in my head. Both lifetimes were running concurrently, therefore, I ended up seeing myself alternating between one and the other or becoming both at once in various capacities.

Which explains why it seemed like a discombobulated mess of events. There was a jazz band...in Lifetime 1. There was not a jazz band in Lifetime 2. But there were Mari and Yazhi and Alenym in Lifetime 2.

Now that brings me to time travel. Here's what I've figured out thus far:

I entered immersion in spring of 2025 (Earth time), but I began preparations for that in late 2024. Therefore, all of the events I have watched that have been recorded by Gosia and Mari, were events I was at least a part of or present for. At least up until late 2024 when I left to go prepare for immersion.

I set my immersion for 1995 and walked into my body. I think, knowing my cheeky self, I scheduled closure of the immersion experience for 2025 (immersion time). So I would exit the same time I entered and the year of exit is 2038. Of course, I forgot all about that and wanted to go home early and so left in 2024. So here I am, early in the waiting room.

The time of experience externally has been 13 years. Everyone is 13 years older than they were, or thereabouts allowing for slippage and skips and back flips. When I left, Mari was 16. She would be 29 now. (Oh look at that, and I was in my Earth body for 29 years. That's very clever!)

So, I have gotten to experience all the events previously mentioned from above and from below. From both perspectives. But because I am time traveling and I am in immersion, it's entirely possible that my presence in anything is edited out. (The ethical implications of time travel.) It might be edited out of my reality by the program, by my consciousness, by those reporting the events, or all of the above.

There are events that were NOT recorded that happened that I remember. Like something very special and important to me personally happening during Mari's coronation that downloaded into my brain when that event happened Immersion-side and I watched that all go down. One of those moments you often label as "the happiest moment of your life". And other random images and visions that popped into my head that I initially dismissed as "wishful thinking".

When it wasn't. It happened. They were memories.

Now that that's out of the way. A note about myself and being inside out. I have a better representation.

My gender is like a tesseract. A hypercube where there's a cube inside of another cube, and you can move the inner cube to become the outer cube without breaking the shape.

My male aspect is currently the inner heart of this female aspect. My female aspect is usually the inner heart of my male aspect. But I do not see them as separate selves. I am the man. I am the woman. I don't say in my mind "my other self" when referring to my male self. I think "That's me!" And if I refer to this self, I don't think "my current self." I think "Me!"

Which makes Mari making fun of me and pretending to be me when I'm a man really fucking funny. It's me talking to me! I'm like John Hammond talking to himself during the presentation in Jurassic Park. Right down to the initial moment of awkwardness. "Hello John!" "Oh, right I have lines."

Granted, it's patently obvious that my male self externally expresses a bit differently than this one. And I have noticed that self has expressed itself outwardly here whenever I get into being silly and feel utterly comfortable. Which has been a shock to many around me on Earth. To go from "soft sweet feminine" to "cheeky jokester masculine" on a dime.

"Whoa, where the hell did that come from! Who are you?"

It's the silliness and relaxed environment that's needed. Otherwise, female self puts up resistance. "That's not us." "Yes, actually, it is. It totally is. Embrace it. Be the silly. Be the cheeky bastard."

Now I wonder if in Taygetan life, I used to put up resistance to the feminine self that sees a puppy and goes "AWWWWWWW" and wants to say that. Or doesn't want to be vulnerable and share my feelings when I'm upset--or outright verbally shuts down to prevent that. As I was saying previously about hyper-independence, "It doesn't make you a very soft person."

Side note...Tori'el is my best mate. Now I get why whenever we're in the chat we resort right down to non-stop talking via movie quotes, juvenile senses of humor, and general hilarity. And it feels like the most natural thing in the world to do.

It's time for breakfast. And I think a walk. I haven't taken a walk since I got sick last month.

This week, I'll be traveling again, but back by the weekend. Going to go with Earth dad to visit Earth brother in New York. Should be fun!

I thank you for your time. Adiamas.

--Kyrí'el