Internal Database Defragmentation

Today, I want to share a rather startling realization I've had in the last 24 hours. I am forgetting Earth.

And I am left considerably disturbed by this. Let's explore this perturbation.

It started yesterday with literally not understanding Mari's reference to the Apple logo in a recent video. I was sitting there thinking she was mentioning some kind of sexual proclivity with said business man. Not a stretch given what I know of Cabal people. (Shows you where my head is at also...) And then I was puzzled, because I had not ever heard of such a thing before in terms of a euphemism. I sat with a little frown, wondering what was feeling "not right".

Imagine my surprise when I see she means Steve Jobs and Apple. It clicks, and I think "Why...did I not get that immediately?"

It snowballed from there. I realized I couldn't remember the names of Cabal members on Earth. Not easily. I had to reach deep to find them. I couldn't remember what they'd done in detail. I couldn't remember what year things happened. I think last year was 8 years ago. I think 8 years ago was 30 years ago or more. I couldn't remember when some of them died. And this is all recent information. Information I knew off the top of my head. Now I don't? Where'd the data go?

Somewhere deep inside, my ego started to panic and get very frightened. What came to the surface was a feeling of intellectual inadequacy. I felt weirdly stupid. Ditzy. At some point my ego asked myself, "Have I become some kind of idiot?"

For much of the evening, I sat quietly breathing all this out of me very carefully and untangling the knots.

Oh, but this has been happening for a while, hasn't it? None of this happens all at once. This forgetting of Earth trivia has been slowly happening behind the scenes, and now the data being "defragmented" is surface data that is finally noticeable.

Other examples are being incapable of remembering a password to a program right after I set it. Forgetting my own state's trivia information. Forgetting other states' trivia information. Could I name the capitols of the states anymore? I get geography wrong. Really wrong. How can I get that wrong! I lived there!

I get famous people mixed up. Or I just don't know who they are anymore. I don't know at all who is running what country. I have to think really hard to remember what was happening with what agenda. Sometimes, Mari mentions something and I find myself staring vacantly at the screen, empty-headed and not at all familiar with what's going on. And I mention her specifically, because she's the only one in my life that regularly brings up Earth data and events.

Even my coworkers and family in this Construct are not focused on the news overmuch. At least not anything new. It's like they all operate on older news stories. Stories that may have different details but are the same story from a year ago.

We can argue that it's because I haven't looked at the news or focused much with anything Earth-related for almost a whole year. The times I have paid attention were because my team specifically brought it to my attention. But that doesn't explain the data erasure. That doesn't explain older data going away and becoming less accessible. One year of ignoring Earth shouldn't result in forgetting it...should it?

And while I could refill my database with Earth data again, I am guided not to do that. Because if I did, I'd just reinstall Earth programming and we're in the process of uninstalling all of it. All. Of. It.

At the same time, I don't have new data for wherever it is I'm going. If the intention is to shift this point of attention from the Earth-based Construct to a stellar-based Construct...I have no trivial data to support that. I don't know my astrogeology at all. Or anything specific beyond what can be intuitively downloaded, and that data is rarely trivial. So, there's no surface data. The database is empty.

While it should be liberating...

It leaves me feeling like this dream I used to have when I was on Earth and going through an awakening:

In the dream, I'm back in high school or college. Usually it's high school. I find myself in the hallway and classes are in session. I see everyone in the classrooms, and suddenly I realize I'm supposed to be in a class. I look in my backpack, and I have no schedule. No books. Nothing indicating what my schedule is supposed to be. I don't know where I'm supposed to be for class, and I try to remember what class I last had and I can't remember. This makes me panic.

I pace the hallways looking from classroom to classroom. I'm hoping to see something that will help me remember, but I don't see anything. The teachers are all different, and they don't recognize me. I see classmates I recognize, and usually that's what makes me pick a classroom regardless of the subject.

Sometimes, I sit down and there's a test or homework due. And somehow, I magically have the homework in my backpack or I do fine on the test. Other times I sit down and realize I've already learned the subject matter. Or the class doesn't start at all and I just spend the dream talking to my classmates.

​But there's always in the background that feeling of forgetting something... That feeling of being utterly intellectually naked and vulnerable.

So, I'm in this place of feeling vulnerable with my mind. And this state of being vulnerable leaves part of me unnecessarily worrying about being conversationally bereft.

In order to remedy this, I wish to turn this around. Where am I shining right now in conversation? What has shifted and opened up?

Well, suddenly, I remember how to play imagination games. I'm quite good at that, and very fast at procedurally generating a reality with someone else to play in. Mari and I seem to be finding our groove here telepathically. A lot can be generated very, very rapidly. We are outrageous in our creative capacity together. I enjoy this! Usually getting myself laughing to the point of not being able to sit upright.

That is good. ​Actually, it's amazing, because I've never had anyone other than my brother (when we were children) be able to keep up with me like that. Most people I used to talk to, I'd leave in the dust going too fast. Now it's like I can see the whole reality being formed in real-time.

Another area is being able to understand intentions and perspectives far more thoroughly and immediately. The difficulty is sometimes articulating what I'm receiving, but that gets better all the time. More data is received across the board. It's good practice.

Hmm. I still get lost when someone is being vague. I think this has to do with intention detecting. I pick up the intention to be vague, so the message becomes vague, and I don't pick up any hidden meanings because the "I want to hide the meaning" energy gets in the way. I suppose the way around this is to set my own intention to override theirs when receiving and pick up everything whether they want me to or not.

I remember having this frustration as a child. Some adult would try to be vague and hint at things, and I would just stare at them like, "Um, what?" Then, later, I'd grouch, "Why can't people just explicitly state what they mean!"

Thinking about it...I still do that! I did it just 5 minutes ago!

So I will override people's telepathic intentions with me. And I am going to cease worrying about being rude in this. It's why I didn't do it before. I felt like I should respect people's desires to be however they wanted to be, so I'd let the message stand exactly as is. If they wanted to be vague, it was received as vague.

As of this moment...nope. We're done with that. People will be explicit or I will rip the veil off their message and they'll be explicit anyway. This all occurs at the moment of receiving the data, so no impact will be had on anyone else's end. Just it will be unveiled in my mind. What I do with that is up to me.

Well, that's that then.

I'll end it with a reassurance that it's all unfolding like it's supposed to. Everything that's happening to me mentally is supposed to happen. Even if I don't always feel comfortable with it. Just you watch. In a few days, there'll be some kind of breakthrough.

One final note, attempting to write English while channeling someone who doesn't natively speak English is really funny. I type Engrish instead. It makes me smile. No wonder it sometimes feels like language centers start breaking down and getting a little weird.

I thank you for your time. Adiamas.

​--Kyriel