Happy Valentine's Day

Today is a little bit of a journal entry. Just talking about this particular day and what it means to me.

First off, I did make something special for Valentine's for Mari, but my soul is telling me to hold onto it and not share it yet. But I can make mention of it. So I am making mention of it. My guidance is weird sometimes, but she's adamant I do it this way.

Anyway, as a little girl, Valentine's Day was filled with chalk candy hearts, cards made for my mother, and Valentine exchanges with classmates. I may not have had many close friends when as a kid, but I did get lots of Valentine's Day cards! From everyone. Looking back, I think my lack of friends was just because I was intimidating to people. Getting to know me felt daunting...

As a teenager, while I didn't hate the day, it passed a little bit out of memory and somehow became irrelevant. No boy (or even girl) wanted to be my valentine, so I stopped worrying or thinking about it.

Then it just kept falling off the radar as a thing to do. And I ended up being with men who dismissed it, so it became even less of a thing to do. But I think deep inside I actually wanted a big romantic to-do. The problem is, if a big romantic to-do were to happen back then, I'd feel terribly awkward about it. I had a hard time receiving.

That was across the board, not just for Valentine's Day. I shut down being able to receive completely.

So, this time I find myself physically alone, and suddenly I realize that I could indeed handle a romantic to-do. I will do the romantic to-do for myself! In what capacity I desire to do it. I'm not going to throw rose petals on the bed you know...because then I have to clean it up. And I might feel just a little weird about doing that. Rose petals are meant for more than one person to roll in them. Just saying.

But I will do nice things for myself. And I'm not telepathically or energetically alone that's for sure. Which is why this time, even though I am here by myself, I don't feel lonely. Especially when I can feel when someone wakes up in the morning. (Here I will just go ahead and be utterly soppy.) It's like feeling the sun rise in my heart. (Because that's what it actually feels like.)

I thank you for your time. I love you all! A hug and a kiss to you. Adiamas.

​--Kyriel