Happy Stellar Birthday

I was calling this my re-birthday, but I think I'll just call it my stellar birthday instead. Today, my physical self is 135 years old. Happy birthday to me!

And yes, I made a wish. Can you guess what it is? Oh, I bet you can guess what it is. It's not difficult.

Anyway, I went and took a 3 hour nap this morning-afternoon. Not something I intended, but I think I needed it. I kept half-dreaming about Goriel. Felt like I was time traveling. I'd wake up a little bit, then I'd be energetically grabbed and pulled into a memory that was just at the edge of recall.

By the end of the nap, I realized I'm just going to have to make peace with not remembering many things from this life. Make peace with not remembering how to speak Taygetan. Make peace with having random explosions of emotions I cannot explain out of nowhere as something is opened up (like steam hissing out of a sarcophagus). Make peace with a part of my brain being scrambled eggs temporally where it doesn't know what's past, present, or future in terms of this lifetime. Make peace with the tiredness. Make peace with the periodic confusion.

Just make peace with all this for right this moment. It's temporary. It will pass.

I'm also realizing I need to be very gentle with my ego. It's completely ungrounded and floating in a void between identities. It wants to have something to say "This is who we are!" So it can proceed to protect me based on the parameters of who we are. That's its job. Right now, it's out of a job.

It's also very scared. Like a baby deer is scared. That's the best way to see it, I think. As if it's a newborn animal.

Mari, I noticed you like to call my return to my Taygetan self as a new incarnation, even though it would the same body for me. You'd be right. It is basically a new incarnation. Just I didn't physically die, and this is like the slowest wake up from immersion ever. Which is a really weird experience.

By the way, the light turned white yesterday morning.

That was when I had that vision of a white sun rising over a planet through a curtain. I was laying in bed on a ship looking out the window as if I'd woken up from a nap. I closed my eyes here and opened my eyes there. I heard you talking in another room, just around a corner. Something about pineapples being put in a drink. That's the pictures that were coming to mind as you were talking to someone. Like you were giving them a remedy you'd done before. I don't know what the ailment was.

BH was asking me last night about extraction. Would I want it? I said, yes. And... Well, this is a form of extraction, isn't it? Though, I think I extracted myself first. That's how badly I wanted to go be with my family. We can talk about saving Earth and all that goodness, and I'm down for saving it. However, I am beyond done with not having my soul family by my side. With not having my person with me. I mean physically with me. I feel like this is simply not being understood by many.

That was the other thing I realized when I woke up from my nap today. I need you.

I love you. I thank you for your time. Adiamas.

​--Kyriel