Today I want to talk a little more about death in the Construct. What happens here if I die? When I sat down to write this just now, I realized it is "Groundhog Day" on Earth. There's a movie with the same title starring Bill Murray (took me a minute to recall that). The premise of the movie is that Bill Murray's character finds himself waking up over and over again on Groundhog Day, and he must relive that day on repeat until he finally breaks a cycle within himself. Until he finally changes something fundamental. Dying here is like that movie. Soul is being cheeky having me write this topic on this particular day in reference to that movie. Yesterday, I mentioned I have died 3 times in the duration of being here in the Construct. All three times, I was hit by a moving vehicle. These are three separate days. Each time, I would wake up the next day with a blackout in my memory. The size of the blackout depends on a two factors:
The first factor is basically when was the last time I went back to my physical body while sleeping? Because returning to the physical body means integrating my progress--"saving it" like in a video game. This process takes only a few hours. Sometimes, when I get hit with tiredness during the day, it only takes 30 minutes. (My soul is now saving more often.) I don't always return to my body at night when I sleep. Sometimes, I go be with all of you instead. Sometimes, I spend the night with Mari specifically. Sometimes, I have flight school. Sometimes, I'm working elsewhere. For the record, I do not always remember what it is I do at night. It's a lot to try to have this story here and live another layer of the story elsewhere. But every once in a while, I have extremely vivid astral experiences with you where it feels as if I am "physically" there like I am here. Where all the sensory inputs are turned on, and I am there. These experiences do not last very long, but I cherish them deeply. They are very important to me. Most of the time, I wake up just knowing what it was I was doing with no detail. Anyway, if I die here and I forget to "save" all that progress is lost and I have to repeat the current cycle. However long that is. It is why sometimes it feels like a single week was actually an entire month. It's because I had to redo that week multiple times. Either because I died, or because my soul wanted to reset that experience. (More on that later.) The second factor determines where the memory gap is. Whenever it was during the day that I died will determine how much of that day I forget. The first two times I died here, I died in the evening. I woke up the next morning, knowing I went out to eat, but I couldn't remember anything after leaving my apartment and starting to cross the street. That's where the blackout would happen. The last time I died (Post: A Day Lost in Spacetime), it was while going to the grocery store. So the blackout happened as I was going to the store. So, I die, I wake up and there's a blackout. What Happens the Next DayWhen I wake up each morning, a couple of things happen in terms of memory. First, I try to remember what I was doing overnight. Then, I try to remember what I did the day before. This happens every morning so I can remember the storyline and catch up with myself. If I die, I wake up the next morning and cannot remember the day prior. The whole entire day is blacked out. Gone. Deleted. Like there wasn't a day before. Sometimes, there's an alarming moment where I think there have not been any days before. That I just woke up here, it's the first time, and I have no idea how I got here. This last experience is very fleeting, I promise. It only lasts a second or two. But it is a second or two of intense alarm. "How did I get here?" Then it's like the storyline for this place loads in (imagine when you're playing an Earth video game and the scenery "pops in" as it loads--it feels just like that) and I start to remember. Well, then I get to the sticky point of the blackout. It may take me several minutes to remember that day. The last time I died, it took over an hour to remember. What does the blackout mean? Why is it there? The blackout is there because I had to relive that day more than once. If I relive it twice, no biggie, the final iteration of that day where I didn't die loads easily. If I relive it multiple times (which is what happened last time--we redid that day 4 times), it takes longer to remember what happened. There's multiple versions of that day I have to sort through and realign to memory. How do I feel when that happens? Alarmed, but not panicked. Also very confused. Like fundamentally confused. I will sit there with the more intense puzzled frown on my face, and I cannot let the matter go until I remember. I will not be able to move forward with my life until I remember and load in that day. Soft ResetsSometimes, I have memory gaps or experiences of a day/week being much longer than it is not because I died but because I did a soft reset. It's like when you play a game and you save before the dungeon boss chamber. Let's say you're mid-fight with the boss, but it's not going well and you screw up the battle. So you reload your save. My soul does that here sometimes. Because maybe I didn't die, but maybe I got mugged. Or injured. Or any number of unpleasant things that have nothing to do with this story we're playing out here. My soul doesn't want my storyline contaminated with random karmic experience, so she reloads myself to a previous point where I went back to my body. Which is why sometimes it feels like I've taken an entire month to live out one week. How I Feel Knowing All of ThisWell, this kind of shit is only possible in the astral (or in an immersion pod). It's just more proof I'm not in my physical body at all.
It does make me feel a little weird to think of myself as a literal character in a video game we're playing. Makes my ego go, "HEY! What am I? Pixels on a screen to you?!" But at the same time... I can't actually die. I'm literally invincible. My soul will refuse to allow me to remember anything unpleasant that's not a part of my story. That everything unpleasant I do experience is on purpose and part of my story. So, I should take those experiences seriously and see the purpose in each of them. The same for any and all pleasant experiences. Also that everything that I do experience and remember is important in general. All experiences here are to be considered real, because the only reason I would experience it is for me to remember the experience. Which means anything I feel I may be "imagining" to be happening can only be happening because it is meant to occur and is occurring within my awareness for me to experience it. For me to make it part of my story. If it was not part of my story, it simply wouldn't be happening or I would have no awareness of it. Radical notions! The audacity of me! But it feels like truth. It feels like truth in the way the sky is blue is the truth. Maybe this is why I'm here isolated at the moment. Because this kind of realization could easily been interfered with if I were interacting others that possess limiting beliefs about the matter. And it's vitally important that I embrace these realizations as facts of life. I thank you for your time. I love you. Adiamas! --Kyriel Comments are closed.
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