Early Stages of Awakening

I'm not sure why I want to share this, but I will. This is all about the very beginning stages of my awakening. What that was like.

We begin well before any sort of spiritual awakening. It is my understanding that everyone, usually, goes through an intellectual awakening before they proceed to spiritual awakenings. Obviously, this can happen in the inverse or any which-a-way is needed by Source. But the people I have been around in my journey have all been through an intellectual awakening first.

What is an intellectual awakening?

An intellectual awakening is the moment of where you begin to feel a very strong feeling of something "not being right" in your world logically. It's what I call the "Hey, wait a minute!" moment. Where you stop everything you're doing and say to yourself, "Hey, wait a minute! That's not right!"

It's a soft epiphany. Not one of those dark night of the soul ones, but one where you drop everything you are doing at the time and look out at the proverbial horizon to realize something in your world is fundamentally wrong. And this feeling comes at the intellectual level. There are many emotions backing it up, though. Emotions of "injustice" and "dishonesty". That someone is lying to you at a fundamental level. It's a very deep emotional feeling that is processed at the intellectual layer of experience.

My "Hey, wait a minute" moment happened when I was 14 with the "War on Terror" started by George Bush on Earth in the early 2000's. It did not become fully actualized until 2016 when I was an adult and changed jobs. I previously worked in communications with the tax department where I lived, and that job had lost its flavor. I found myself in a new job with the county government at large acting as their web designer of sorts. This happened in February of 2016.

The team I joined worked in the basement of the main building for the government. We were a rag-tag group of people. Odd ones. Strange, creative folks in a stodgy 1980's style governmental authority. Two people out of my team gladly called themselves "conspiracy theorists": my boss L and my co-worker C.

I had never really thought of myself as a conspiracy theorist. In fact, I rarely thought of myself at all. L and C report that when I first joined them, they were very unsure of what kind of person I was because I held my cards so close to the chest. I didn't let anyone in. At all. So, they didn't know what they were getting. But I think their souls sensed who I was as a soul, and knew I needed to be awakened. That that's why I had come to them.

So, very slowly they started to introduce various subjects to me. These all happened during staff meetings in the morning, which among the three of us, rapidly became discussion sessions regarding world topics and the paranormal. While they were initially unsure, after a few months, I cracked and let them see who I was. They found a very willing, eager, and curious person who was willing to expand her intellectual horizons. Provided I had appropriate time to research what they told me on my own.

And so it began.

By late 2016 with the US national election, I was already listening to Alex Jones. I had learned about secret societies. I had learned about JFK's assassination and why it happened. And I had personally come to realize we needed some serious change. Granted, I did not much like Trump. I wanted Trump, but fused with several different politicians to soften his personality a little bit. However, I voted for him in the primary because I felt he was a winner. He would win. I don't know how I knew that. I just felt he would, and that that was the right way to go forward.

(And really, Hillary Clinton? That's the opposition?!)

So, we go onward. Early 2017, somehow (via my daughter Allie) I come across the Vril and the idea of secret society members making themselves willing parasites to reptilian ETs. It sounded outlandish. (And the idea of people willingly putting parasites in through their eyes made me want to vomit.) But. I had watched Stargate SG-1 as a teenager rather avidly. The idea itself wasn't outlandish. The idea that our government was controlled by ETs also wasn't so outlandish I dismissed it, though I had understandable misgivings about it. "How do can you be sure?"

Well, C, was on the case. He'd been researching this shit for years. His biggest hang up is about giants and how the Smithsonian Museum just made them disappear overnight one year. Ask him about the giants, and then prepare for an hour-long dissertation on the subject. I theorize he WAS one of those giants and feels the unpersonning of himself disturbing. I have suggested this to him, but he holds that idea at arm's length.

Anyway. C provided a number of pieces of evidence showing reptilian involvement in our governments. While I was highly skeptical, I didn't dismiss it entirely. Why, I am not sure. Something in me said it was plausible. I listen to such instincts, even if I don't immediately follow them. I tabled the idea for a long time.

Then, in late 2017, the Q posts arrived. Oh, C and L talked about them constantly. I had no idea what was going on. I just listened and absorbed. It wasn't until 2020, after I broke my collar bone and was forced to sit still and do nothing but research, that I started paying attention to Q. Before that, I guessed it was a puzzle my coworkers were very avid about.

Nevertheless, C shared with me what he summarized from the Q posts. He didn't expect me to believe him, but he continually shared his research and I continued to listen. C is like my older brother in this way. The one I didn't have this lifetime.

All throughout this time, I realized my government had been lying to me. That it didn't love me as a person. That it didn't even consider me as anything more than a Matrix battery. Having seen the Matrix early on as a teenager, when C presented this idea, I was actually ready to accept it. That did not make me as uncomfortable as it makes many. It DID make me uncomfortable, but I thought, "Art reflects life, reflects art." Therefore, that movie was telling a truth. Maybe this was what it was trying to tell about.

Emotionally, it was hard to grapple with. I have decided this is the primary thing that holds Lyrians back from waking up to the truth. Our emotions naturally run very deep, and accepting such a fundamental betrayal is naturally difficult for us. We are beings that are naturally trusting. Lyrians want to trust. They want to love. They want to feel connected to each other with a trust-love-bond of some sort. This is our species' way of navigating reality. It is natural. It is our way of being.

So, to face such a fundamental betrayal is extremely difficult. You need to be primed for that. To have been betrayed previously to accept it.

I was betrayed in just such a manner as a child. So, I was primed to accept such levels of distrust. In this way, you can say my childhood wounds helped me become the person I am today.

(No lesson is overlooked. Source is perfect in its efficiency of experience.)

As time went on, I distrusted the Powers That Be more and more. I let go of their control more and more. I learned more. I learned about the Illuminati. The Masons. The other secret societies. I learned that they were just puppets of greater puppets. And more and more and more... Of the symbols they use. The signals they use.

I learned the patterns in the news media. I became, in other words, a full-blown conspiracy theorist and I saw no problem with this identity label. All that I was learning was feeling more logical to me that what physical reality was presenting.

I think at some point I hit on the idea of "archons" controlling everything, but I was not sure about that and pushed it away a little bit. Not because it was exactly totally outlandish, but because I couldn't secure enough evidence to support the knowledge. I was not yet in a state of blind trust with my soul. My soul was just beginning to teach me to trust it.

When 2020 came around, I was laid low at a very critical juncture. My dog knocked me over and broke my collar bone in late January. I was too busy healing myself to be influenced by the COVID hysteria. By the time I was anywhere near functional again, lockdowns had already happened. That was when the hysteria hit me full-force and I remember remarking to my ex-husband, "I feel like I'm being psychologically beaten every minute of every day. I don't know how anyone doesn't succumb to the terror!"

And I did feel like that. I felt like someone in a Soviet prison camp in the process of indoctrination. Where I was being mentally beaten with a bat constantly. But I had listened to Jordan Peterson enough, and had taken an interest in Gulag Archipelago that I knew I needed to be wary. That submission was the goal. "They" wanted me to submit. "They" wanted me to give in. "They" wanted me to cry, be sad, be depressed, lose my will.

I determined I would not give in to "them", whomever "them" was. It didn't matter to me the identity. Someone wanted me to submit to their will, and I was going to say "no" as long as I possibly could.

Some days I was stronger than others. The days I was not strong, I found myself just exhausted and sleeping. Almost like in a cocoon. Better in sleep than waking on those days.

In 2021, I started to feel a sense of impending doom. I started to prepare for an apocalypse type of experience. I didn't know what it would look like. Just I knew we needed enough supplies for a few months. So, I convinced my ex-husband to invest in emergency food and I made a bug out bag just in case.

I never got the impression it would be end of humanity. I always felt like it would be the end of our current, enslaved experience. That the end would happen swiftly. That justice would happen and it would bring turmoil for a time, and I needed to be prepared for that turmoil. But no matter what, I felt like after a few months, the sun was going to shine and civilization would find itself somewhere new and better. Yes, it might be torn down, but rebuilding would be easier than we thought.

I shared these feelings with C and L and no one else personally. I tried to share them with my ex-husband, but I only got half an ear.

Oh, but on the internet I became an advocate for preparing oneself. For seeing the patterns. For decoding news media. For seeing through the veil of bullshit pulled over everyone's eyes. Few listened in the broader sense. I felt frustrated very often. Sometimes, I entered a fatalistic sense of existence and decided that anyone who didn't want to listen deserved what they got.

Then, somehow, I'd be buoyed back out of that and I'd be back on the soap box, shouting to the sky about what I saw happening.

Did I make an impact?

Probably. Maybe more than I'll ever know. I have no idea the number of silent, nameless souls I successfully influenced. The Matrix was deadset on people like me going silent. On never saying anything.

Stupids. I went silent, but I didn't give up. These people who think they know the astral don't know shit about the astral. I went silent, I went inwards, and I started to awaken. "If they won't listen to my words," decided my soul, "they shall listen to my vibration. And I shall radiate it out so far, so wide, so much that it becomes irrefutable in its truth."

On the Winter Solstice of 2021, that's exactly what I did. I sat down in mediation and activated myself as a lighthouse. Since that point, my awakening went from intellectual to spiritual. And that is a story I have told many times and in pieces already.

With a hug and a kiss, I thank you for your time. Adiamas.

--Kyriel