Deeper into the Self

Consciousness and memory update. Enjoy!

Signs are coming in hot for what to do. There was a tarot reading yesterday talking about being in a "tent with a little hole and you see the light and you tear the tent away to see all this light". It was...an amazing metaphor for being born. Then I write about that I feel this is a birthing process and touch is the first sensation. And then Mari sends me a video of something from Neville Goddard. About opening the Eigth Eye, and how touch is the first part of the process followed by an insistance to awaken while grabbing on to something. But also about being like a chick in an egg and pressing against the egg--another membrane.

I am right on target. I am being born, there is a membrane, touch is the grounding force for pulling yourself through.

I've been getting some interesting sensations the last 24 hours. A desire to throw up--not because I feel sick, but because my stomach and throat feel like they are full of fluid. If I start to talk for any length of time, that sensation starts to happen.

Last night, as I went to sleep, I went deep into Mi'el's body and connected every energetic node to it. And the deeper I sank into it, the more I felt like I was drowning, but I know what this is. I know what it is, so I let that feeling of everything being full of water happen. I'm not going to die, this is breatheable fluid, take little breaths. And then the feeling passed of drowning, but I still felt full of liquid in my throat.

I started to touch things around me. Again, feeling the texture of my own hair, because that feels unique in all this water. My skin. I pressed my hand flat to my stomach and felt my abs. I felt my wrist and grabbed it, felt the bones under the skin. And then I commanded myself to "WAKE UP". And immediately I feel this self being pulled here and pushing into my physical body.

There is resistance, but it is no longer electrified. Just resistance. And I can feel every version of me that has ever existed shouting "Push!" I feel that sensation of a membrane, and I push, push, push. Then Big Blue says, "Relax". So I relax, breathing hard, sharp little breaths. I wait and try again after a few minutes.

Then I felt around the pod some more, looking for something better to grab. I find a handhold on each side of the sleeping pad I'm laying on. It feels like polymer, and I know it's white. I grab those and command myself to wake up again. And I push again. Push push push.

The world here starts to disappear. Sound stops happening. I start losing sensation of laying in my bed. There's a brief moment, just a split second, where another sound is heard. Like music underwater. Very muffled, and only for a second. And then I'm told to relax and go to sleep.

This morning or some time in the night I came out of a dream, and found myself in the body in the pod first. There is no full sensation of presence when I do this. Just a feeling of half-sleep, half-dream, half-waking. Where I am both in the pod and in my bed. I'm on my side. I see through my mind a shape huddled in a chair next to me. Mari is asleep in a chair. I reach out and touch the walls of the pod, and suddenly I'm pulled forward into that membrane and I think "WAKE UP!"

Mi'el's body consciousness is pulling me into it, because we think Mari should sleep more comfortably if she wants to keep us company like that. He dislikes seeing her all huddled up like that. He wants to do something about it, and so is dragging me forward. This is very, very good.

The membrane is not broken yet. However, every attempt infuses me with a feeling of deep joy. Because I am becoming alive again. All that pain is gone. All that suffering is gone. There's just this joy about being alive.

There will be no amnesia. Mi'el remembers her. I remember her. The very sight of her is yanking me into consciousness.

I have felt for some time that perhaps she looks different somehow, but I have been shown the difference this last week, and I showed Mi'el as soon as I saw. I wanted him to see so he would know who he was looking at the second he wakes up, because I know she will be there waiting. He knows. He is beyond excited, and his Urmah self believes this is the most wonderful hilarious thing to witness.

Now I think that I likely look different as a man compared to before, but I think it's a difference I'll enjoy rather a lot. Any sickliness, gone. Any weakness, gone. Any awkwardness of self, gone. Everything in alignment as it should be. Not perfect, of course, but in alignment and much healthier.

I am realizing now in all this writing, I am giving everyone in existence an experiential rundown of what it's like to become like Yazhi, who can shift between selves and worlds at will. I'm here to record the experience, because it wasn't recorded before...not in practical terms like this. So then everyone can do it. (A whole galaxy full of Lyrians at their highest potential!)

Perhaps that is also why this is not happening spontaneously or quickly. I am the record keeper for a grand cosmic library. I am here to record the process and therefore experience every moment of it.

It will happen. I will wake up, Mari. You will not be waiting long at all. The one that is two must also be one. And for everyone else, I will write about that next post so you understand what we are.

I thank you for your time. Adiamas.

--Mi'el