A Day Lost in Spacetime

Another journal entry. Thinking about the last few days and trying to remember a day lost in spacetime. This is one of those posts that's just all mundane details. If you like that sort of thing, read on.

Yesterday really did get lost in spacetime. When I woke up this morning, and I tried to remember what happened or what I did, it was like I couldn't pull up the memory at first. Very strange.

I went to work in the morning. I have no idea what I did all day at work. I know I went to the grocery store, but that's like this weird blip in my memory of "went to store" but hardly any details of the trip.

Ah, wait, yes. I almost got hit by a truck. This black pick-up truck was doing a U-turn at the light and didn't see me. They were in a hurry, too, so they came over fast right up to the driver's side door. My hands reacted before the rest of me, jerked the wheel right, and I gave myself 6 inches of space that avoided a collision. Guy didn't even seem to notice that he'd almost hit me, either, just sped right along to where he was going.

It's unlikely I would have been critically wounded, but with his angle of approach and where he was going to initially impact, some bones would have gotten broken, airbag deployed, and I'd be out a car for some weeks. (And probably out a working left arm.)

That is probably why I don't remember being at the grocery store. I was too busy trying to calm myself down to remember what else I was doing.

So that happened.

The rest of the day I felt restless and irritable. Bloated and cranky. It was just a new moon, and remember what I said about syncing things up to the moons? Still, goodness. Ended work early and took a bath, which made the irritability go down. Which was good, because I was starting to get irrationally angry about...I have no idea what about. I just wanted to throw things. Which made me kind of laugh at myself, because I haven't been this hormonal in a while.

​Then the grief came and the anger was replaced by a sadness and loneliness. I started to worry about getting stuck in a depressive state, because I could feel that this was the beginning stages. (And I noticed Mari's video this morning is a bit of a reminder not to get stuck in that feeling of "I don't have". Thank you.) I waded through that mess through to the evening, and it started to clear and ease off. I started to feel better and more hopeful.

This is why I say even if you have a bad day like what I just described, it's not really lowering your vibration all that much. If you just let the emotions happen and do your best not to hold on to them, your vibration will just go right back up naturally. It's the not holding on to them part that hard. Some (a lot) of us have a tendency towards masochism and enjoying the "hurts so good" angsty feeling. I am/not joking. It's a common thing. It's why misery loves company, and why some people like being depressed. Masochism is just this weird quirk in the species. Earth just exacerbates it like it exacerbates everything.

All of the sudden I'm thinking of Marvin the Paranoid Android from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. "I'll have you know I'm very depressed." And the doors on the "Heart of Gold" that sigh happily when they open.

And I just pulled the book out and opened it to the correct chapter without trying. Woo!

"Ghastly," continued Marvin, "it all is. Absolutely ghastly. Just don't even talk about it. Look at this door," he said, stepping through it. The irony circuits cut in to his voice modulator as he mimicked the style of the sales brochure. " 'All the doors in this spaceship have a cheerful and sunny disposition. It is their pleasure to open for you, and their satisfaction to close again with the knowledge of a job well done.' "

As the door closed behind them it became apparent that it did indeed have a satisfied quality to it. "Hummmmmmmyummmmmmmah!" it said.

Funny thing is, knowing how Sirians are very emotional beings themselves in the real world, I would not be at all surprised if a version of the "Sirius Cybernetics Corporation" exists (or some inventor with the same outlook) and the idea of adding "Genuine People Personalities" to machinery has been attempted. If I find myself on a Sirian starship some day and find a door sighing oddly happily to itself, possibly even humming a tune idly, I shall count Douglas Adams a fine channeler and reality itself properly amusing and magical.

After all, what is programmed on Earth is often the opposite of larger reality many times. We are programmed to believe there is no magic, the universe is a taskmaster (Saturn, hello!), dreams are silly childish things, and you should absolutely not make technology fun and enjoyable. Let alone easy to understand.

The controllers of Earth must be boring, stodgy people. It's their programming after all.

Anyway, full digression complete, though this is a bit of the mood I'm in today...

Toward evening yesterday, I kept getting images in my head of 'Yanna hanging outside my front door trying to look backwards through the peephole. This is not the first time I've seen this in my head. Absolutely not the first time. There have been other times where I suddenly was convinced someone was standing outside, wanting to knock, but not daring to. It's not always 'Yanna. But yesterday I could see her so clearly, and I don't always see her that clearly.

She's not actually out there. (One time previously I looked, and then I understood what was happening.) A lot of the time, I'm picking up on intentions. This is the fine line of discernment I have to walk. I can pick up on intentions from my family and my counterparts so clearly that sometimes it gets crossed with actual actions being taken. Because I can see what somebody wants to do, even see how they visualize doing it, and I have to be aware of when something is a thought and when it is an action. Because those visualizations include what they know my world to look like.

So, I sit at my desk and suddenly see her standing the hallway. And I see the hallway clearly as if I'm in the hallway standing right next to her watching her. And then I see myself at the door looking through the peephole and seeing her standing there also. Yet I know she's not actually out there. Somehow I know this part now.

One of these days this may happen, and suddenly there will be a knock. And in spite of being able to see this in my mind, I will still jump a foot in the air in startlement, because hardly anybody knocks on my door. It'll always surprise me.

Around the time this whole visual experience faded, my soul says to me, {{ Go outside. }} So, I go for a walk in the part. There are a couple of fireworks going off and I think it'd be nice to watch them.

Soul says {{ top of the parking deck at 11:45, you can watch from there }}. That's late, but she's right I could watch from there. I could see all the neighborhoods around and get all the fireworks!

At 11:42, I leave my apartment and go up the stairwell to the parking deck. There's one spot in this stairwell that's so creepy. I need to transmute it. It's a hole into the broader lower astral, and I do not like it at all. It's at the top of the stair right before the exit to the parking deck. That landing has no lights on (all other floor landings are well lit), there's a corner that is perpetually damp, and the door handle is missing to go outside. Just spooky.

I think a piece of quartz in the perpetually damp corner will do. I'll see what I have. Yes, here we go. A piece I found at the local park that's in the shape of an arrowhead. The tip of a knife, I think. It wants to be of service. It's already getting warm to the touch as I ask it.

After I finish this, I'll go place it in that corner.

Anyway, I step out of the stair and go to the top of the parking deck. It's chilly and there's a night breeze going. The clouds have covered the stars, and I'm a little disappointed in that. But nevertheless, the fireworks are below the cloud layer so that's okay. To my surprise, I'm the only one up there. I would have thought more people would like to go up for a view. I stand alone looking at some of the early rockets going off. This lets me figure out the best place to stand for the finale.

A few minutes to midnight, a couple comes up and we wish each other a happy New Year. They go to the back corner to get the most elevated position. It occurs to me I should play the 1812 Overture Finale, so I fetch this video here and play it at 2 minutes to go. I loved the movie "V for Vendetta" and I think that would be an excellent visual to reference. Especially since I just so happened to be facing city hall and the fireworks were going off behind city hall.

"A more perfect stage could not be asked for."

And sure enough, as I am directing my own little movie in front of myself, the 1812 Overture Finale combines with the fireworks. The crescendo is reached right at midnight. The fireworks even pop in time with the cannons in the song. The movie scene becomes what's in front of me. The bells in the song even persist after the song is over as I overhear someone's speakers in an apartment below playing the church bells that ring in the New Year.

City hall is unharmed, of course. I had no intention of that. I wanted the visual of the government building, the song, and the fireworks. And that was perfectly executed.

I stand there for a few minutes more listening to the bells ringing, absorbing the perfectness of the moment. Then I realize I'm starting to shiver from the cold and go back inside.

Life is meant to feel magical like this. Life is supposed to feel like this. It's not a silly dreamer thing to believe. It's supposed to be like this.

A hug and a kiss to you from the director. I thank you for your time. Adiamas.

--Kyriel